So Empty

When will the emptiness feel full?  I often wonder it seems like I can't dig my way out of this horrible black hole.  Luis you've been gone 35 days and it seems like 35 years.  I hate my life without you.  I know one day I will see you again but I hope it doesn't take too many years.  I know this sounds selfish I do have my great wonderful kids but this hollow feeling consumes me.  I can be with tons of people and feel so alone.  Did God really intend for it to be this way?  Everyone says God has a better plan well I am holding on for dear life but sometimes I find myself slipping back off again.  It's so easy for people to say you'll be fine things will get better it's a time thing.  Right now I am hating this time.  I am praying that everyday I get closer to that time where there is some relaxation.  The only thing that helps is my children but they are far away I thank God for everytime I get to spend with them.  I absolutely dispise the weekends especially Sundays they are endless and dull.  This is when Luis and I would plan to do something because he found them boring as well.  I hope Luis is having a great time in heaven because down here it sure does stink right now.  Luis you are still my best friend soul mate and love of my life.