so close and yet so far.....
almost made it out. into the great beyond. roads, sky, society......stores, a park......somewhere over the rainbow.
but no, twas not meant to be. so i hit the physical rewind button and am tucking back in.
- cell phone back on it's charger.
- doors locked.
- climbing roses in vases to fend off disappointment of a lost opportunity to go......anywhere
- removed a thorn from my wrist.
- took shoes off, put slipper socks back on. toes are freezing.
- keys back in key basket.
- washed hummingbird feeders, fresh nectar now cooling.
- chicken cut into long strips now marinading in rustic tuscan italian dressing
My tummy aches, skin is hot/cold--hot/cold--hot cold
Feel wrong.....slip slidin' away. Glands ache.......body aches.......nice try though sparrow girl, nice try.
So close to leaving the nest. Often we can push off the side and go despite our bodies situation -- which can change by the minute/hour ----day.
But then days like today say no sweetie, don't be a dumBie. in this case pronounce the B like boink or bonkers. not a good time to drive or well ....all the other stuff.
When i went out last it was rough......there i was pushing to go here and there......my speech got wonky, my body felt faint, clammy....les miserables. every step felt closer and closer to dangerously high levels. as in high levels of risk for personal safety.
we have to listen, succumb when the signals are speaking out so clearly. we may not wanna, but we just gotta.......stay home, be cool. chill out. rest......don't take it personally. embrace the warmth and comfort home can bring. the safety, the serenity.......don't let those other feelings ( of disappointment take to much from you.....don't marinade in a changed plan. don't let it steal your joy.........not from you.....you are far too precious to let lose with stored energy on something as necessary as good self care.
turn negatives into positives.......i realized that this is the kind of day where all my smiles are inside.....for i am too tired to smile or chuckle......it's better to be here ......and soon i will lean into this nest and take the truth of this to heart. i am doing the right thing to be at home. and so often i worry that i don't try hard enough, don't push enough for light and fresh air.......but on this day there is no time to brook this kind of nonsense in any extended way.
just let it go..........take the pretty tiny climbing roses into your bedroom, put them on the windowsill to catch the light of day........drink in the miracles all around you, don't fret......don't sigh. just quietly breathe in and breathe out.
i think this pep talk went pretty well, don't you?
softest hugs and a fond farewell to you,
sparrow
p.s. thanks for sharing with me lately......thank you sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much, love you my friend....very much!
Replies
So sorry you didn't get out today. I'm sorry your glands are bad again. I hate that part. It always makes you feel so icky. Love you.
Sweet Lady sorry about your day & not feeling good. My speech gets wonky when I am nervous,so wonkiness is something we share. Rest and hope tomorrow or the next will be better. ♥ and greenies
Ruthie, I am sorry you do not feel well & that you had to stay home. We can only do so much with the energy we have. Some days I can't think straight or I am unable to think clearly & do odd things that I later wonder how I didn't know something at that time & I feel it is best to not go anywhere on those days & just stay home. I hope your glands feel better soon & you can get out & about. I enjoyed your earlier journal, as well. Take care, hugs, Denise
Hello dear Ruthie.That was a great pep talk . I'll give you an A plus girlfriend. I needed that pep talk yesterday when I ventured out knowing full well that I should have stayed home. I was in a bank, standing in line and after just a couple of minutes I needed to lie down.The seats were too far away, I needed to keep my spot. So I ended uo hanging onto a 4ft high Teller sign. Just couldn't hold up.What was I thinking. ? You silly woman..everyone is looking at you and wondering why you are out of line and holding onto a sign. Very embarrassing. I left my walker at home in the garage. My mind was sure I could just push a bit harder but my body just couldn't deliver. Then I had to join my husband in another room to organize a new account.The young girl was from another planet and very fast on the computer and I was left behind at the start. Talk about brain fog. Of course I hadn't gone in there to have someone ask me a million questions and wanting to rearrange all my accounts and change my life around. Anyway I eventually made it back to the car park and sat in the car and sobbed like a loser. The lesson that I never learn... Always stay home in bed when you can't walk and can't think straight. Yep I hear you Ruthie. When the car is conked, out you can't drive it. I just get so tired of having to surrender to the control of this body. Everyday I am in disbelief that my life is like this. It feels like I'm living in some other dimension....isolated from the world. Trapped in a bubble that never bursts. Sorry having a moan groan. Love and gratitude Ruthie blue eyes.xoxo
Dear Ruthie, I know exactly how you feel! I so badly want to attend a church, and belong somewhere, and I just can't do it. I tried again a few weeks ago - got all my clothes ready the night before, got up in time, etc., etc. Too dizzy, too weak to try a new church. Sat down for awhile and decided to go to my old church. Tried again. Still too dizzy and weak. I had to cry "uncle" and stay home. I walked around saying outloud to myself: "Willpower isn't enough." and "The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak." Frustrated and disappointing, but realistic. Trying to see the silver lining to my cloud. I wish you could have gotten out - but I am glad you made the right decision to stay home and be safe. Wish I could come to tea and chat face to face.....