so sad
I thought I was doing better. Not today, or the last few days for that matter. I have been crying almost non stop. Joe said he is starting to get worried. So many emotions.
We visited Niagara Falls - it was quite magnificent with the ice formations. It brought back memories of the time we took Lisa and Andrew there. Lisa loved it - and was so pleased when she found a $5 bill on the walkway. I seemed like everything brought back memories;
- visiting my friend Barbara; we had a great time looking for bargains at garage sales
- having dinner at Boston Pizza; Lisa and I usually took Cevyn there on our shopping trips because she loves the pizza bread with pizza sauce
- driving through Smiths Falls; Lisa worked there for a few years. I would take Cevyn there at noon to have lunch with her mummy
- passing Cevyn's elementary school and seeing the tree that was planted in Lisa's memory
- bringing Cevyn back home; Lisa would have been excited to hear about her adventure and see what she bought.
I hate the word memory now because that is all I have of my daughter is memories. I am so grateful for Cevyn but I am feeling really sorry for myself right now.
I think that losing Kelsey has made me more emotional - she was only a year older than Cevyn. She had such a short, sad life.
We
We visited Niagara Falls - it was quite magnificent with the ice formations. It brought back memories of the time we took Lisa and Andrew there. Lisa loved it - and was so pleased when she found a $5 bill on the walkway. I seemed like everything brought back memories;
- visiting my friend Barbara; we had a great time looking for bargains at garage sales
- having dinner at Boston Pizza; Lisa and I usually took Cevyn there on our shopping trips because she loves the pizza bread with pizza sauce
- driving through Smiths Falls; Lisa worked there for a few years. I would take Cevyn there at noon to have lunch with her mummy
- passing Cevyn's elementary school and seeing the tree that was planted in Lisa's memory
- bringing Cevyn back home; Lisa would have been excited to hear about her adventure and see what she bought.
I hate the word memory now because that is all I have of my daughter is memories. I am so grateful for Cevyn but I am feeling really sorry for myself right now.
I think that losing Kelsey has made me more emotional - she was only a year older than Cevyn. She had such a short, sad life.
We
Replies
I understand...Its a hard road with many ups and downs that we travel. Some days are just harder than others. And Kelsey passing - yes, very hard to fathom a young, precious kid going through all that. Gentle hugs, Linda
Seeing all those places we once shared with our children but now they\'re not with us is just plain hard. I also hated the word \"memories.\" I didn\'t want any darn memories..I just wanted my kids back! I used to get incensed to read those sympathy cards that oh so sweetly talked about \"You now have MEMORIES to hold for a lifetime\", BLAH BLAH BLAH. GImme a break!
Your daughter went to Heaven less than two years ago. It\'s no surprise that it is still extremely difficult. Please be gentle and patient with yourself. You have suffered a horrendous wound. For me, personally, the pain seemed to intensify before it finally started to ease up and then it was a gradual, continuing lessening of the pain. Now it is not any thing like those horrendous first years. Thank G*d!!! (literally, in my case!)
Peace to you and gentle hugs, Donna
I have found too that what is happening in our world is also affecting us. Allow yourself to feel it all as you are. I know how draining it can be so be as gentle with yourself as you can be. I\'m sorry that this is such a pain filled time and hope that more peaceful days are on the horizon. Love and hugs, Joanie
It\'s okay to feel sorry for yourself - we need to allow ourselves that, I think. Some days are just better - or worse - than others, and so it goes. You have suffered much - be kind to yourself. Take care ~ Joanna
something important is happening in your heart, hon. it hurts too much to feel like love, but it must be. all that grief... it won\'t be comforted with platitudes or rolled up into a tidy package with memories. that\'s how big and amazing it is. that\'s how much you have lost, had to let go of... as if we can ever really let go. it\'s that hard and sad. with you all the way my friend.
xox sarah
So much heartache everywhere we turn...it brings grieving to the surface of our life...love...Karen
This grief thing is so unpredictable ~ up and down, around and around ~ feeling good and then ~ wham! ~ EVERYthing reminds us of our precious children. You are doing well ~ please just remember to forgive yourself and understand that you will once again swing back up.
Love and big hugs ~ Debbie