Smokey's birthday is next week April 30th - its making me sad.
It is Smokey's birthday next Friday on April 30th. It is making me sad. Also, today I had to deposit the CPP Death Benefit, which also made me sad. I guess there will be a lot of lasts for me. I think the hardest thing is to finalize his estate. Once that is done, it will be the end of dealing with Smokey's things and the realization that Smokey is not coming back to me will really hit me hard. None of these things are easy to deal with at all. My heart is really heavy right now. I am rereading this writing and just sighing. Last night I cried myself to sleep hugging a pillow. I look over to Smokey's side of the bed and it is so empty. It makes me cry. These things are all hard to deal with for me. What about you? Any thoughts?
Replies
I\'m so sorry Diane...I know the lasts. The day we received mom\'s insurance money, I cried all night and the day after. Felt like tearing off the check and throwing it away...but haven\'t done so. Deposited the money in our joint account. That was a month and half back and I haven\'t taken a penny out of that account till now. I don\'t think I will for a very long time. One thing\'s for sure...I\'m going to put that money into good use, I don\'t know what. It\'s just so final...
I cry myself to sleep everyday and wake up crying. I have accepted that right now, this IS my new normal. I\'m sorry any of us had to go through this pain, but we will pull through someday...just not today.
Take care hon\'...God bless....
I just filled that form out as well as another one that I had to order our marriage certificate for. One more step. Hugs, Wendy
Those lasts are truly horrible. I had a breakdown running the last load of laundry with his clothes in it and the last dishwasher load with his dishes in it. They do punch us over and over again with the knowledge that this is real and permanent.
All the best dealing with his birthday.
Hugs to you,
Gail