Smokey made me feel loved, safe and secure

Smokey made me feel loved, safe and secure.  I think a person safe and secure when they are loved.  I had no doubt about being loved by Smokey.  He said Diane you don't know how very deeply that I love you.  It just blew me away when Smokey said that to me.  With his death, I don't have that anymore.  Dating is not the same thing as having the love of your life with  you.  Dave is nice and everything but it has only been on month.  He has his hang ups as well.
Dave was in a ten year relationship with Catherine and she left him.  This hurt him a lot.  I was with Smokey for ten years when he died.  It still causes me pain.  With Dave, it was about three years ago when Catherine left him. About 1 1/2 years ago Dave got involved with Wendy but she went back to her boyfriend.  I came into the picture August 2010, I am Dave's recent women in his life.  Dave is friends with this married couple Gary and Kerry.  Before Dave met me he said to Gary if you die, I am going after Kerry.  This is enough to make the new woman in Dave's life feel very insecure.  This was before he met me.  I think if our relationship developed into something serious, maybe it would not be such an issue for me.  It is just in the beginning stages and his comment to Gary makes me feel real insecure and not safe.  I have been thinking about that all morning.  Dave left for work at 5:45 and the times is now 7:22 a.m.  I keep comparing Smokey and Dave with each other in the mornings.  It is what it is. 
I am pretty sure that since Smokey died that it makes me feel insecure and not safe.  I don't need another man in my life to leave me.  I need to feel safe, secure and loved again.  Dating someone for one month is too soon for any of it.  At least with all my Daily Strength friends I can vent all these things out to you and not be judged by any of it.  What can I say but I am a tad bit inseure these days.  After all, Smokey was the love of my life. 
Smokey would never cheat.  He was loyal, faithful and true blue.  What Smokey said is what he meant to say.  Smokey was a confident man.  Smokey and I figured these things before going out for 3 months.  We just knew what the other person was like and felt safe and secure before falling into love.  It doesn't happen this way to everyone so I was blessed that it did happen to me.   Dave is another kettle of fish and don't know what to make of him.  I don't think Dave is as confident as Smokey.  I don't know if this is going to be a short lived affair or will it develop into something more serious.  No one knows not even the people involved.  We said to each other we will take it one day at a time.  It is fine for now. 
Mornings of Monday to Friday are my worst for thinking all kinds of crazy things and non-crazy thoughts.  Monday to Friday I can count on me thinking all kinds of things.  Thank you for all my Daily Strength friends for letting me vent out all these things.  You are all worth your weight in gold or are one in a million. 
From Diane Baillie

Replies

OnMyOwn2010
OnMyOwn2010

Oh, honey ~ Those feelings of insecurity are common to all of us, I think, that have lost our loves...I think that\'s one of the hardest parts...losing that sense of safety and security that comes from being in a committed relationship...I am feeling very insecure myself...I hope I can overcome that feeling someday, because I learned a long time ago that insecurity makes it hard to trust...myself, my emotions, other people...and you\'re probably right about Dave being less confident than Smokey...after all he\'s had 2 women leave him by choice...that can shake a person\'s confidence...It blew mine out of the water when my first husband (who I realized later was just an idiot!) walked out on me... But, perhaps in time, both of you will begin to regain your sense of confidence and security with each other....in the mean time I willleave you with something my Pastor told me yesterday...\"Just accept it for what it is...a blessing from God...and Enjoy it.!\" Always here if you need to \"talk\"... Big Hugs ~E~
Patswife
Patswife

Hi Diane, How did you happen to find out that Dave said he would go after this woman if her spouse passed away? I\'m sorry but that all sounds pretty odd to me. What does your daughter think of this new relationship you have? Hugs, Wendy
deleted_user
deleted_user

Diane...after reading your post I don\'t know quite what to say. We always say how much Buddy and Smokey are alike and I, like you always felt so much love and that I was safe and secure. Now on my own I have days that are tough but I do OK. My ex-husband was one of those men that after I left him he was always looking for me in someone else. Over the years he has called me several times just to say \'Hi\"...and then after poor Buddy died he actually had the nerve to email me and I told him to get lost. I also dated a man and was engaged to him before I met Buddy that was still in love with his ex...it took me two years to realize that I didn\'t want to to second to another women ever...so I broke it off with him and Buddy walked into my life...how refreshing ...to be loved and give love back without games or worries. I don\'t know where I will go in the future as far as dating and men go but I do no I will not settle and I would rather be alone than every have to worry about a relationship...Buddy and Smokey had that going for them...good luck...sounds like you just need to let things fly and see what happens...hugs Ellen
deleted_user
deleted_user

Diane - Like I think I\'ve said before, you have to go with your heart - with your instinct and your gut feelings. I know that I was married and divorced before I met Mark. My heart never felt safe or secure and I never felt truly loved - until I met Mark and we married. It was a feeling like I can not even put into words - and I would never settle for less than that again.
I have been in love with and married to the best that there is..........and I know that you were also. Smokey was the best and for you to have doubts, or feel insecure........please don\'t settle for less than you\'re worth.
You\'re worth a lot - Smokey loves you more than words and would never want you to feel less than you felt with him.
Just my thoughts - and my hugs to you,
Chris