Smack down
I just received my very first, "just get over it", and it came from my Step-Father. He has helped my Mom raise me and my brother since i was 7. All of that stuff i said about educating people about SA just flew out of the door. My words were caught in my throat. I just feel numb
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so let\'s see... you\'re 41, and your step-father raised you from 7 on... so that\'s, what... 34 years? so not only is this your \"first \"just get over it\"\", but it\'s also the first time in THIRTY FOUR years that your step-father has said something like that to you.
now, let\'s think about how long you\'ve decided - i mean REALLY decided to volunteer/educate people about Sexual Abuse. as far as i can tell, you JUST made that decision today. sure, you\'ve been kicking it around inside for a while (weeks, months?)...
as far as which is \"stronger\" (not best word, but can\'t think of another) 34 YEARS or several months.... i\'m putting my money on the 34 YEARS.
Keith, you were caught off guard, by something that\'s never happened in the 34 YEARS that your step-father raised you. as on fire and enthusiastic as you are about speaking out and educating the public, that is a relatively short decision, in comparison.
PLEASE DON\'T BEAT YOURSELF UP OVER THIS. it is SOOOOO understandable and logical.
what you need to do, is use this experience as a CATALYST for your really getting going with the volunterr/educate thing. the fact that after a 34 year silence your step-father can come up with a comment like that... you can see how Society got the way it did.
question for you, though: do you think his thinking this was a spur of the moment thing? do you think he had been feeling this way for a while?
dig below the numbness. what is Keith feeling underneath all of that? you should journal your feelings out. also, as you very well KNOW, i am totally here for you.
i know you\'re in shock or shaken up, and thus... numb. please, please, please take care of yourself. DON\'T DO ANYTHING RASH, OK? i care so much about you, Keith. i just want you to be safe right now.
sigh... :(
Thank you for caring so much. About an hour or two later my Mom called me and apologized for him.
You gotta understand my Step-Dad. He does mean well, and i know that he cares. Its just every thing is very black and white with him. There is no \"working on issues\" with him. Its either your over it or your not. It\'s just that it hit me from left feild. I did not expect that call. I really felt bad that i could not say anything about the damaging effects of SA or anything. I just sat there slack jawed and said, \"uh\". that was about it.
He is a very matter of fact kind of person, and this was actually his version of a pep talk to try and help. It did not though. It just took me by suprise.
oh, i know ALLLLL about people who are very \"black and white\". my dad was very legal and he shaped/raised his family as though we were in a court room. yes, sometimes there is benefit to such a personality/mentality (perhaps in weeding out the lies from a situation), but most times, it\'s a horrible way to interact with family. yes, i know a lot of times my dad did not mean to be cruel or hurtful - that he had good \"pep talk\" intentions, but...
sometimes, especially with a subject as personal and sensitive as SA, we just need an emotional connection. we need comfort, a hug, a pat on the back, even a \"it\'ll get better\" from time to time.
i\'m wondering, were you hurt at all, or just \"surprised\"? neither is wrong/right, i\'m just curious.
((hugs))
btw, why did your step-father even make that comment? were you discussing the SA with him, or something related to it? just curious.
it just came out of the blue... i have no idea. well i can probably guess. My Mom calls me a lot to see how i am doing. Its hard but i try to be not only truthful with how much i say, but also forthcoming. I\'m sure she is discussing it with him, and now that its been a certain amount of time that has gone by, he probably thinks it was time for him to step in and use some tough love to \"help\" me.
I was very surprised, and yes a little hurt. But i know where he was coming from and i cant be mad at him for trying the only way he knows how.