Slipping Further
I'm at school but I don't want to do anymore work right now. I am really seeing how lazy I really am. I just registered for 5 classes for next semester, all psychology courses. Next week is fall break and then when I get back it's finals and then the end of the Fall semester. I wonder fi I will actually pass any of my classes. I feel agitated and restarted with life. I bought a new mattress set and it is awesome, but I am still having some problems sleeping. I would to be in school right now but I have to get some documents signed for my exams later this week. I am scared about what I should expect from the future.
I see my doctor tomorrow. I think that I may be late for class because of the appointment too, I'll have about a half hour to get back on campus from Anshutz which is located about 30mins from downtown. I suppose that I don't mind, I just want to turn my homework in. I don't know why, but I want to go into the hospital again. I am not feeling stable and I feel like committing suicide. I think that I need to shift my drugs around again. I should know by now how the drugs react to me and how to control them. I want something that is going to make me feel better, about everything, especially life in general. I have been using pot to try to make me feel better but I don't think that it's doing the trick. I wish I was happy like I was when I was younger. I wish i could go back there. those were happier times.
I don't want to go to my next class. I don't want to be imprisoned there without the option of easily leaving. The suicide page on Facebook posted something and I shared it on my wall. I never knew that there is a death by suicide ever 40 seconds. What if someday i am a part of those statistics? I really love psychology and I want to see how far I can get in the profession. I want to help others, but first I must help myself. I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to ask for help. I think that I drop clues to my psychiatrist, but I suppose that she does not feel I am a risk to myself or others. However, I don't know if I would rule myself of as a risk to myself. I think that there is a lot of risk there. I don't want to make my parents sad or mad, I just don't want to be anymore. I've got to go.
Goodnight moon.
I see my doctor tomorrow. I think that I may be late for class because of the appointment too, I'll have about a half hour to get back on campus from Anshutz which is located about 30mins from downtown. I suppose that I don't mind, I just want to turn my homework in. I don't know why, but I want to go into the hospital again. I am not feeling stable and I feel like committing suicide. I think that I need to shift my drugs around again. I should know by now how the drugs react to me and how to control them. I want something that is going to make me feel better, about everything, especially life in general. I have been using pot to try to make me feel better but I don't think that it's doing the trick. I wish I was happy like I was when I was younger. I wish i could go back there. those were happier times.
I don't want to go to my next class. I don't want to be imprisoned there without the option of easily leaving. The suicide page on Facebook posted something and I shared it on my wall. I never knew that there is a death by suicide ever 40 seconds. What if someday i am a part of those statistics? I really love psychology and I want to see how far I can get in the profession. I want to help others, but first I must help myself. I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to ask for help. I think that I drop clues to my psychiatrist, but I suppose that she does not feel I am a risk to myself or others. However, I don't know if I would rule myself of as a risk to myself. I think that there is a lot of risk there. I don't want to make my parents sad or mad, I just don't want to be anymore. I've got to go.
Goodnight moon.
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