Slightly Better Day
Today I woke up with that same horrible feeling, but I took some klonopin and it knocked me out. I wasn't expecting that, since I only took half a milligram, and it normally takes 2mg to knock me out at night. I've also been having this headache all day. I have to go to work tomorrow since going to work helps me out. Even if time drags all day, it's better than being at home and going crazy. I don't know if this has to do with the taper or not. I would suspect it does, since the medicines might not be built up fully in my system, or they finally built back up and I'm dealing with the full side effects. I've been taking my akathesia pill for a couple days now, and I didn't feel like flailing too much today. I'm still dealing with the depression... in the bath I thought about slitting my wrists for a couple seconds, but I was able to overcome the thought and get rid of it. I don't know what caused it. I'm just overwhelmed with emotions.
The only reason today was a better day than yesterday is because I slept all day. I slept until 2pm barely waking up in the morning at all. I thought it was noon or something, and when I took my sleep mask off I was shocked to see it was so late. I ate breakfast, and tried to read. I got about 2 more pages into my book before I had to put it down. I played with Angela for a bit, which she loved, and then lay down again. The anxiety was still there, so I took my klonopin and lay down. This was about 3:30. I didn't fall asleep until about 4. Then I slept until 6, cooked dinner and all of that. I just made pork chops since we are low on side dishes and so I ate my pork chop. I didn't want to eat it... I didn't eat “lunch” today per se... I just had some turkey and cheese, but it filled me up. I finally ate my pork chop and came to the room to use the computer. I'm still not feeling great about using the computer, but it's better than yesterday.
Food today was horrible. I'm below 700 calories right now. I think when I'm done with this I'm going to have my peanut butter bagel since I had cereal for breakfast this morning. I'm looking at the clock, it's so late and I'm not tired. Surprise! I'm not tired because I slept all day. I have to go to bed soon since I have to wake up for work tomorrow. I can't afford to sleep until 2 again. I don't know what happened with that. Mood today I'm going to put as bad, since I'm still struggling with anxiety and all that other stuff. I really hope tomorrow is a better day. I need it to be... I need a reprieve from all this badness. I guess this is what I get for going hypomanic/mixed the other day. I should have seen this coming. I just don't know what to do to prevent depression.
The only reason today was a better day than yesterday is because I slept all day. I slept until 2pm barely waking up in the morning at all. I thought it was noon or something, and when I took my sleep mask off I was shocked to see it was so late. I ate breakfast, and tried to read. I got about 2 more pages into my book before I had to put it down. I played with Angela for a bit, which she loved, and then lay down again. The anxiety was still there, so I took my klonopin and lay down. This was about 3:30. I didn't fall asleep until about 4. Then I slept until 6, cooked dinner and all of that. I just made pork chops since we are low on side dishes and so I ate my pork chop. I didn't want to eat it... I didn't eat “lunch” today per se... I just had some turkey and cheese, but it filled me up. I finally ate my pork chop and came to the room to use the computer. I'm still not feeling great about using the computer, but it's better than yesterday.
Food today was horrible. I'm below 700 calories right now. I think when I'm done with this I'm going to have my peanut butter bagel since I had cereal for breakfast this morning. I'm looking at the clock, it's so late and I'm not tired. Surprise! I'm not tired because I slept all day. I have to go to bed soon since I have to wake up for work tomorrow. I can't afford to sleep until 2 again. I don't know what happened with that. Mood today I'm going to put as bad, since I'm still struggling with anxiety and all that other stuff. I really hope tomorrow is a better day. I need it to be... I need a reprieve from all this badness. I guess this is what I get for going hypomanic/mixed the other day. I should have seen this coming. I just don't know what to do to prevent depression.
Replies
i dont think there is anything to do to prevent depression from cropping up, even with meds, though i think it would be so much worse without the meds, at least for me it would be. please if you think suicadal thoughts again, call asap, this is nothing to take chances on, i am worried about you. maybe you slept so much because slept yesterday wasnt good, and i hope you had your bagel. if not its ok, one bad day of food is ok, you know what to do and will get back on track today. i understand about the wanting to get out of the house, i can go nuts if i dont, though i would rather do something other then work, lol oh to be independetly wealthy! why are you not feeling good about the computer? hope you slept ok and were able to get up for work. many hugs
Please take care. You maybe right abut the meds not being in yous system enough.\\
Please don\'t think about slitting your writs. Glad it wasn\'t for long.
Don\'t worry about eating low cal. one day isnt\' bad. You can have more cal. threw out the week. you can add maybe 10 cal. extra a day to get closer to what you should have eaten today.
Good luck with everything . Hope when you go to work on Monday you start feeling better.
HUGS