Slight Breakdown today

I'm scared of tomorrow. I have to go to orientation, and I'm not sure if I can. I need to wake up at 7:30am, which I did this morning by accident, but I need to be able to be awake and stable all day. I'm scared I'm going to start breaking down crying and have to be taken to the crisis center. Tomorrow is going to be my day to see how I'm going to do... if I'm going to go to see the doctor and or hospital, or if I'm going to just get a refill of my meds and not see the doctor until next month. It wouldn't be a question if it was free, but considering I have to pay money I don't have to see the doctor, it's just a question of practicality. Because of all the stress, I had a slight breakdown today. I started breathing really hard and freaking out. Geo woke up and he held me for a while, I took some klonopin and slept it off. I don't have the luxury of sleeping it off tomorrow, since I have to be up so early and it scares me. But I can do this. I'm known for being able to do things that are hard, so I can do this. I'm trying to pump myself up. I'm also doing my journal really early in the day so I have plenty of time tonight to get to sleep. I'm going to take my full dose of klonopin tonight, too. The doctors know I take it as needed, so that's not a problem. 
I'm in the process of getting ready for tomorrow. I want everything ready to go so in the morning all I have to do is hop in the shower, eat, drink my coffee, brush my teeth and go. I'm making my lunch now, so I can put it in the fridge and have it ready to go. I'm making a ton of spaghetti and maybe some beans. I need to have everything together so I have no reason tomorrow morning to say I'm not going to go. I'm planning on victory over this orientation, and I know I can do it. I may come home and collapse, but I will be able to go there and sit for 8 hours (geez!) listening to people introduce me to how the clinic works. I wished that I had gone to the one earlier in the month when I was feeling better, but I didn't have the chance since there were people already in the spots that I was supposed to be in. It's not like I knew I was going to be like this now. I know I'm kinda rambling. I'm just nervous. I will let you all know tomorrow how things go.
Food- Today I'm good on protein, since I ate some oatmeal, tuna, and I'm going to eat my chicken. I don't know about that second piece of chicken tonight. If there was a night where there should have been only 3 pieces of chicken, it should have been tonight, since I'm planning on being in bed by 7:30ish and asleep by 9. This should give me the 10 hours of sleep I'm going to need for tomorrow. It has always taken me forever to fall asleep, so I'm planning on like an hour and a half. The night before something like this is normally harder than a normal night, so I might not sleep until 9:30 or 10, but I should be okay. Last night I got plenty of sleep so to speak... I slept from 12am to 1pm, but that's misleading. I was up from about 7:30 off and on, and then from 9 to 11 fully awake. I had spotty sleep, I don't know why. Maybe it was because I was supposed to wake up early today and I was freaking out about that. 
Okay, lunch is made, I know what clothes I'm going to wear, I have most of the things ready that I need. I'm putting my mood as bad today, since I had the breakdown. Tomorrow is going to go well, I know it... It has to. Stress was high today since there was another big storm and I was scared since it was right over our heads and I was scared it was going to hit the apartment and blow all our electronics and lights, or the closest power line. Most of the power lines here are underground, but there are some above ground that could get hit. Anyways, I was stressed, and I'm stressed about tomorrow (duh!) but hopefully the stress about tomorrow will be as unfounded as the stress from the storm- nothing bad happened. I will let you all know tomorrow how things went!



i do the same thing, get ready and have clothes laid out so thier there, it will help you a lot. being nervous and stressed is normal, this is something new and who isnt scared about that? i am confident you will be ok, tired but feel good about what you did. anxiously waitng to here how it goes. hugss