sleepy time herbal tea journal

I haven't had sleepy time tea in ages, it just came to mind tonight.

I don't know if they still make it or if it exists on the Westcoast still.

Tonight when I made my way into the bedroom, I was anxious and did not feel like going to work tomorrow... nor feeling like going to bed strangely.

I stayed up later than usual tonight - I did not keep to my quirky yet strict schedule :)

- I was just energized from the talk I had with my therapist 

today. I was composed at the time but also spontaneous and we had an energetic good conversation.

So, as I was sitting in bed watching the end of the news...something told me to treat myself to a snack and

so I decided to treat myself

to a poridge of warm brown rice and almond milk. Really soothing, comforting, warm and it filled my belly.

It seemed to be what the doctor ordered! Right away I noticed the special treatment I gave myself got me feeling ready to get back to my work tomorrow. 

Maybe all I needed indeed was a little TLC to affirm my path...:-) ....treat yourselves well!! 

I experienced some unsettling moments with a family member on the phone today

that also fluttered back to my senses and around my mind during my night time activities.

That sense of agitation with my family life and the tasty treat even more inspired me to get back to work

and made me latch on to tomorrow's prospect for work with enthusiasm - there, I'll be busy and essential and at least

I can do the kind of job and effort that I like and want. It will be mine! :-) and make me some dough re mi! :) hehe

Once I finally settled down to sleep tonight and closed my eyes my mind was still really rambunctious and free form for some reason

...I'm looking back at my day at work for answers and subsequent conversation with my family member and then my therapist.

Just to explain, work went very well. I find myself better able to adjust to my coworkers. One in particular who 'tries my patience' a great deal

and another who I have to communicate with my rudimentaray Span-glish. Instead of getting impatient 

I find myself better able to hold my ground and be positive, pleasant, professional and empathetic and handle it

the way I'd like to. Work is really creating and helping me have the relationship with my life that I'd like

but more importantly it's also showing me that I don't need to be perfect as or before I journey forward

in my life. It may just be part time and simple but it allows a lot of thought and reparenting myself if that makes sense.

I don't know if I can adequately express this..but self discipline has helped unchain a sense of

spinning my wheels where I  sought how to be a perfectionist about myself, when in reality that doesn't pay

the bills or present and practical or pragmatic plan for forward motion in life. The perfection thing

has been a kneejerk response to my environment and illness.. to 'fix it for good' I suppose and finally live

with the love in my dreams...instead I am realized all the gradations and textures like Arfie once mentioned too.

the texture and fabric of my relationships are as they are!!

Anyways, in reaction to my rambunctious mind tonight, I decided to get up and write a journal.

I had to very deliberately remember the clinical things that help send me to sleep.

That's not 'a natural' for me, that kind of structure. I've put great effort into learning

that part of self responsibility as you all have witnessed first hand.

The effort is yielding fruit and growth though. I'm seeing how to change my scope for

handling my interpersonal relationship as well as my self/personal care....
knowing what works for my human being is a good idea and both helpful and useful.

Knowing how to participate in the relationships around me, is as well!! :-)