Sleeping Beauty

Some nights I can barely sleep, it’s like my body just has a mid of its own. Those mornings are the worst as well; I wake up cringing just trying to make it to the shower. Staring into the mirror giving myself a pep talk before I try to put on socks; mornings are a hassle for me. Yet, the most curious thing happened on Monday. I woke up and felt ok. I got in the shower, I put on my socks and shoes without so much as a though and on my way to work it hit me. I felt ok.

Now don’t get me wrong my life has not become unicorn’s shitting out rainbows, but I feel like something has changed.

I feel more active and more willing to do something even if I might be in a bit of discomfort. I have gone out to dinner almost every night since than with my boyfriend and he surly has enjoyed it too. My mood has shifted too. I seem to be less depressed than I was before; that’s good because my family was starting to worry immensely about you.

But now that I have taken away a huge chunk of what I like to call “FML Nicki” I have come accost a new discomfort, one that may have been there the whole time, but I have never noticed. The pain that I now feel is in my muscles more than my joints. It worries me because this wasn’t something that I read in the handy dandy pamphlet about RA the doctor gave me on my first day. Its distracting hurts to the touch, and more importantly it can make sleeping interesting.  I started to feel it in my legs first, but then I started getting almost shin splint like feeling in my arms, which is weird because I don’t think you can actually get a shin splint in your arm.

It normally gets better throughout the day and is provoked when I am either sitting down for long periods of time (school) or when laying down and waking up (which is like half my life).  I will go into my doctors office in 2 weeks to see the progress of the RA and if my little sausage fingers will stay plump forever and I think I might just bring up this new mystery.

I guess my next step at the doctor is how to get the pain lower. Is there even a way to? I don’t want to live with this feeling that I might be like this for the rest of my life. I mean the term old lady doesn’t even describe me some mornings. I feel like the only good news out of all this scrambled mess of "what ifs" is that I began to knit again. This means not only will I look good witch makes me happy, but I will also keep my joints warm which makes them happy.