Sleeping A Lot
Today I slept for 14 hours, from midnight until 2pm. I'm still really tired and want to go to sleep already. It's late enough for me to go to sleep (10pm) but I kinda wanted to stay up a bit longer just to see if I can. I'm sleeping too much because I'm in the downswing from the hypomania I was on when I did my 5K. I'm kinda glad I got hypomanic and did the 5K, but I know I could have done it without it. I might see about doing it again when I feel better. Not tomorrow, because tomorrow I'm going to do a run/walk combo to try and boost my speed walking and stuff. I was thinking of jumping into doing another Spark People 5K Your Way Program (which is where I got the Couch to 5K program from) but this time a run/walk one but I think I'm going to do it my own way, like I did the C25K but just walking and jogging instead of just walking, since I walk slow and their program is for people who can walk faster than I can. I still went out and did a short walk today, like 10 minutes, but it's better than doing nothing. I did my strength training today except for my arms since I can't do them with my arm hurting.
Speaking of my arm hurting, it's feeling better today thanks to the steroids. I didn't want to do the strength training and push it, even though it feels almost better. I felt that rest was the best thing for it. For those that commented about it yesterday, the doctor said the nerve was impinged but he didn't know what was impinging it (pinching the nerve) hence the steroids and the prescription for the muscle relaxer. Since the steroids are working, I don't think I'm going to pick up the prescription for the muscle relaxer on Monday when the pharmacy gets it since I'm already feeling better. I will have to see. I don't really have the money for it anyway, so it's just a matter of how bad I'm feeling on Monday. The steroids are the kind where you take 6 the first day, 5 the second all the way down to 1 on the last day, so I'm taking less and less every day so I might need the muscle relaxer. I guess we will just see!
I'm talking with a friend right now about my journals, and how I haven't been talking about the hallucinations. That's because I've been trying not to focus on them, but they have been getting worse. Sometimes it's hard for me to see the computer screen and what I'm typing with the things flying in front of my eyes and my eyes fogging over from focusing on invisible things. Sometimes I try typing with my eyes closed, but then I lose my place and things get all messy. Today the hallucinations have been a bit out of control, seeing things everywhere. It hasn't been this bad in a while, so I think I might need to go see my doctor next week when I have my appointment and see about a medication tweak. I just got off the phone with another friend (I've been gone for about 45 minutes) and I feel a bit better. I'm still hallucinating, but they are not as bad. Maybe my night dose of Risperdal has kicked in. I might have to go in on Monday and see about getting an appointment with my psych for a same-day appointment since I have to pick up my meds on Monday at the clinic, and if they are going to change my meds, I might as well have the new ones when I pick them up. Geo also has to go to the clinic on Monday, so I will be there already.
Food- I met my calories for the day, sneaking in a midnight snack of some pasta. I haven't been hungry all day, but I was kinda hungry tonight so I made myself some pasta and now I have my daily calories met. Last night I couldn't sleep and ended up eating a piece of chicken and remembered that I drank a cup of milk with dinner, so I ended up meeting my calories for the day yesterday too. I sometimes eat a night when I can't sleep, I end up getting really hungry and can't sleep until I eat something, or take a pill for sleep and want to not take it on an empty stomach. The fact that I haven't been hungry or eating well and sleeping so much makes me know the depression is coming, I just don't know what I need to do to stop it or make it better than it would normally be. I take my pills, eat well and work out, I don't know what else I can do. Stress was low for today since I was in bed all day, and mood I'm leaving as okay since I feel okay now, even though my body is saying it's depressed. Well, I guess I will change it to bad since I know I'm depressed, it just hasn't hit me yet.
Speaking of my arm hurting, it's feeling better today thanks to the steroids. I didn't want to do the strength training and push it, even though it feels almost better. I felt that rest was the best thing for it. For those that commented about it yesterday, the doctor said the nerve was impinged but he didn't know what was impinging it (pinching the nerve) hence the steroids and the prescription for the muscle relaxer. Since the steroids are working, I don't think I'm going to pick up the prescription for the muscle relaxer on Monday when the pharmacy gets it since I'm already feeling better. I will have to see. I don't really have the money for it anyway, so it's just a matter of how bad I'm feeling on Monday. The steroids are the kind where you take 6 the first day, 5 the second all the way down to 1 on the last day, so I'm taking less and less every day so I might need the muscle relaxer. I guess we will just see!
I'm talking with a friend right now about my journals, and how I haven't been talking about the hallucinations. That's because I've been trying not to focus on them, but they have been getting worse. Sometimes it's hard for me to see the computer screen and what I'm typing with the things flying in front of my eyes and my eyes fogging over from focusing on invisible things. Sometimes I try typing with my eyes closed, but then I lose my place and things get all messy. Today the hallucinations have been a bit out of control, seeing things everywhere. It hasn't been this bad in a while, so I think I might need to go see my doctor next week when I have my appointment and see about a medication tweak. I just got off the phone with another friend (I've been gone for about 45 minutes) and I feel a bit better. I'm still hallucinating, but they are not as bad. Maybe my night dose of Risperdal has kicked in. I might have to go in on Monday and see about getting an appointment with my psych for a same-day appointment since I have to pick up my meds on Monday at the clinic, and if they are going to change my meds, I might as well have the new ones when I pick them up. Geo also has to go to the clinic on Monday, so I will be there already.
Food- I met my calories for the day, sneaking in a midnight snack of some pasta. I haven't been hungry all day, but I was kinda hungry tonight so I made myself some pasta and now I have my daily calories met. Last night I couldn't sleep and ended up eating a piece of chicken and remembered that I drank a cup of milk with dinner, so I ended up meeting my calories for the day yesterday too. I sometimes eat a night when I can't sleep, I end up getting really hungry and can't sleep until I eat something, or take a pill for sleep and want to not take it on an empty stomach. The fact that I haven't been hungry or eating well and sleeping so much makes me know the depression is coming, I just don't know what I need to do to stop it or make it better than it would normally be. I take my pills, eat well and work out, I don't know what else I can do. Stress was low for today since I was in bed all day, and mood I'm leaving as okay since I feel okay now, even though my body is saying it's depressed. Well, I guess I will change it to bad since I know I'm depressed, it just hasn't hit me yet.
Replies
It has to be so hard to know that these things are effecting you. I hope that the doc can get you stable again and that you can get through this depression. I commend you on how aware you are of your moods and how you can handle them. You are very smart and know what you need to get through them. Let me know if I can help you in some way.....
I am glad your arm is starting to feel better already, that is a good sign the pinch wasn\'t that bad. I think you are tired because you over slept, 14 hours is an awful lot of sleep at one time. I am just glad you getting better.
i agree with bluetoes, sleeping 14 hrs straight is probally why you woke up tired, it is a lot of sleep. i realize you think it is the depression coming, and i may have asked this before, but is the doctor positive the meds you take are right and the right amount. i wold think that someone with borderline personality should be able to be better stable. im probally not making sence, it just seems to me that with all the meds out there your mood swings needent be always happening. just a thought. happ your arm is bettter and that is how you take steriods, drop down, or wean down , i bit each day. i feel strongly about the hallications, have your ever mentioned them to your doctor? this is worrisome. please call your doc and be upfront and i hope he can try and fix things for you. take care, hugss
sorry that you are depressed..we are in the same place right now..i think walking is good for depression... i hope your arm feels better. and i hope your mood lifts. hugs love marie