sinking into depression

I feel like Im treading water trying to keep my head up and part of me says just let go . I am tired of being in pain while trying to be "normal" for the family .I m tired of my siblings ,,I stopped phoning  or trying  to make arrangements to get together ,and I havent heard anything from them for months now. I feel stupid now like I was forcing myself on them ,they obviously dont want to see me. My kids are almost the same , well the oldest lives far away.
Im sure I mentioned we were not listed on the christening handout ,only daughter in laws parents listed as proud grandparents, We of course have hurt feelings another sting from that side of the family .I know dam well that her side scrapbooks and didnt want a keepsake with our names on it.
Plus theyd rather pay a babysitter when she goes back to work than have me do it for free, Zing right thru the heart with that one , Im humiliated even my brother gets to babysit his grandaughter.