Since I've Been Gone

It's been a while since I've been on this site, I have checked back briefly every so often but this is the first time I've written anything or majorly interacted with this site in a long time. Life has been alright, I managed to survive high school when all I wanted to do everyday was give up. In grade 12 I moved to another town for my final year and that was better than going to high school in my hometown. Around the end of last year I visited my old high school again to say hi to some of the old teachers I had (the 3 or so I liked) and all I could do was have flashbacks to high school memories, even as I write this I remember everything. I remember lunches and classes. I remember the people and all the problems I had. But at the same time, I realize how far I've come, and I can see how much I have matured since then. When I walked down those hallways, seeing people walk passed me made me feel as if I was a high school student again. One of the biggest realizations I had was how I wished that I hadn't let those bullies bother me as much so I could have enjoyed my time in high school but then again, I wouldn't change anything because I have things right now that I wouldn't want to be different. Yes it all still hurts as much as it did when it happened but I am living with it a bit better than I used to. During grade 12/final year of high school I started dating this one girl. At first she seemed extremely nice and kind. Shortly after though she began to change, it was harder for me to get along with her but wasn't enough to seriously argue. After I graduated, I got accepted into college in Ottawa for Police Foundations. During that year my girlfriend (now ex-girlfriend) started to abuse me. She has hit me a couple times when she was angry but most of the time she would play guilt trips, mind games, etc. This combined with being away from home and living on my own for the first time as well as coming off 120mg of antidepressants cold turkey (Cymbalta) didn't help. I ended up failing my entire first semester. I tried again and this time I managed to pass 4 of my 7 classes but with extremely low grades. It was hard, but I managed to meet amazing friends and do amazing things during that year of college, I even got to go to amazing places and try to find myself and who I really am. After college was done, I packed up my things and moved back home. I managed to find my first job too. I worked at a call center for a phone company. My first call I cried like a baby because we aren't allowed to tell customers when we are new and so on my first call a woman screamed at me for her phone bill and since I couldn't find things fast enough she began screaming at me and calling me an idiot who couldn't do his job right and all of that. It killed me on the inside, all I wanted to do was help customers and make them happy. I was ready to quit, but my manager talked me back into giving it another try, I ended up being there for 3 months working 40-45 hour weeks every single week Monday-Friday. Most of that money went towards rent and gas to get to work. I then left the job and a couple months later got a job at Walmart as an overnight stock associate. Every night I was there I worked from 11pm-7am stocking the grocery isle, lifting skids (or however you spell them), helping unload the truck, etc. During those 8 months, I broke up with my abusive girlfriend which made work even harder, I was treated like dirt by my manager as well as 2 overnight workers who all kept trying to find ways to break me down by either giving me physically painful work or leaving early and dumping all of their work on me. I kept going though because I didn't want to let them beat me. I ended up quitting after 8 months, not because I was beaten by them but because the manager cut me down to 1-2 shifts a week which I needed more of in order to make any money to live so I quit in order to find a new job. I got another job almost right away as a cashier at McDonald's. Only problem was, training was a month and a half away. So I spent the time sitting around in my own depression. Once I started as a cashier I was extremely nervous. I didn't know what to expect but things went better than I thought they would. Had some bad days but overall I liked the job cuz I liked the people I worked with. (Also helped that I was working with my best friend). I was forced to quit after 3 months however because I was starting college again with 8 classes a week so I had literally no time to work. They said they completely understood and that I could always come back to work anytime if I needed it so it was nice to have left on good terms. I have since started college as well as meeting an amazing guy who I've now been with for 3 months as of yesterday and so far we haven't argued once. Only difficult part is he lives a couple hours away but we have been able to go see each other every month so far and he's been here helping me through every single depression episode and such during the time he's known me plus the time we have dated so it's all been going really well. This is around the end of this journal, there's so much more I wanted to include but didn't want to make this into a Harry Potter sized novel so I won't for now. However, I can say that I am doing better in this program. I switched to Social Work so I can become a counselor instead of going into Police work. My average for my classes is between 75-80 and things are going good. I'll be writing more journals soon however. Definitely needing to get back into this habit again.