*sigh*

Ive been trying to be okay lately but I just am not. My eating disorder is tearing at me again and I'm exhausted all the time. I stopped takin my meds and I haven't been smoking very often. Dads new job has him gone during the week a few hours away. I only see him on Saturday and Sunday for a few hours and I'm gonna start my new job soon so it won't matter much. I start school to get my CNA certification in September. On the plus side, I am 70 days cut free. Can't lie and say it hasn't crossed my mind but i promised tanner that I was done when I got my tattoo. Turns out that it's not that easy.. I tried shrooms a couple days ago and it was the worst experience I have ever had. I broke down sobbing for two hours straight after Angie and josh dropped me off and tanner got pissed at them because he was overwhelmed and didn't know how to deal with me in hardcore little space and tripping balls. Never doing that again. Gusgus is doing good. Tobie(my rat) is doing good too. About to go pick him up a new cage I found online. Avie has been on my mind too often lately. I miss her so much. And I miss daveypooh. More than I should. I was fine. I could handle it. I was in the shower and checked my damn email and sure enough there was his name. My koalas aren't doing their thing. Now I'm curled into a ball trying to keep myself together. Why can't I just disappear forever?