Sick and Binge Watching Netflix
My plans for the weekend have fallen through because of catching the plague that is going around. I tried a couple of times to set up for some photos but feel so yucky i just climb back into the comfy chair with hot tea. I have watched almost a full season of Deadly Women, finally got bored with that and looked for something else to watch. I like documentaries and biographies and since I have pretty eclectic viewing habits i get some interesting suggestions from Netflix.
One of the suggestions was Mr Angel. Buck Angel is a FTM trans. He has survived suicide attempts, drug and alcohol addiction, family drama and being born with a body that didn't fit his spirit. Hmmm....I expressed that last part awkwardly. I am pretty sure my gender and my sexual identity match so I can't properly describe how someone feels when it doesn't.
I thought it was inspiring. he had to overcome a lot. He felt awkward in his own body. he understood how the act of cutting and opening his own skin could calm the anger at self. He committed to himself and became who he wanted to be. He knew what it was like to be uncomfortable in his own skin, to have pain that he tried to numb with alcohol and drugs.
I guess basically my thought is that if he can overcome all of that to be happy then i should be able to over come my shit.
Then again I think I am too old. It has been too long. I am weak. Not strong enough. Too damaged. My sense of what is good and right has been too warped. My perception of people is too skewed, my perception of myself is skewed. I am to disgusting and unlovable and too tired to change. I am still in my cage. Can't change. Can't die. I breath while waiting to die hoping it doesn't get worse.
One of the suggestions was Mr Angel. Buck Angel is a FTM trans. He has survived suicide attempts, drug and alcohol addiction, family drama and being born with a body that didn't fit his spirit. Hmmm....I expressed that last part awkwardly. I am pretty sure my gender and my sexual identity match so I can't properly describe how someone feels when it doesn't.
I thought it was inspiring. he had to overcome a lot. He felt awkward in his own body. he understood how the act of cutting and opening his own skin could calm the anger at self. He committed to himself and became who he wanted to be. He knew what it was like to be uncomfortable in his own skin, to have pain that he tried to numb with alcohol and drugs.
I guess basically my thought is that if he can overcome all of that to be happy then i should be able to over come my shit.
Then again I think I am too old. It has been too long. I am weak. Not strong enough. Too damaged. My sense of what is good and right has been too warped. My perception of people is too skewed, my perception of myself is skewed. I am to disgusting and unlovable and too tired to change. I am still in my cage. Can't change. Can't die. I breath while waiting to die hoping it doesn't get worse.
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