Should I Really Send It???
I wrote my sister a letter. A long letter. A letter she is going to hate, and maybe even hate me for it.
I told her almost everything in my heart in this letter. I told her how she went from abusing me as a child to using me as a teen. How she bullied me, and how she was the only person I ever cow toed to in my life. About how she used my mother to the bone, and never said thankyou. How she hurt us all and didn't think twice about it. And not all because of the drugs. Also because of who she is. I told her about things she had done in my past that stick in my mind, but have most likely run out of her memory long ago. About how she embarassed me, hurt me, disgusted me.
I tried to make it sound less accusatory and more explainatory. She once told me she wanted a real relationship with me. Long before the drugs got ahold of her. And I told her in the letter that the only way we could get that relationship is if I faced up to her. I told her how scared I was of her, and how tired I was of watching what I said and did all the time. I was tired of trying to make her happy so mum didn't pay for it.
I told her that I understood if she hated me, or cried, or got angry at me for the letter. How I hoped that there was someone in there that could help her through it better then someone or something out here. I told her I understood if she didn't write back or if she did, and it was mean and angry. I told her I was re-applying for her visitors list, but I also understood if she didn't want to see me.
I told her I knew that it was cowardly to tell her these things in a letter, but that I wasn't ready to tell her to her face. I told her that I don't answer the phone when she calls because the messages she leaves are angry. And it seems like she expects our lives to revolve around her still. That just because her life has come to a hub ours have not, and that she can't expect us to always be readily available.
I told her that I loved her, and I wanted a big sister, not a big bully. I also told her I wasn't even sure if I would send the letter, and if I did, I wanted her to know how hard it was for me.
Now the thing is....should I send it? Or rip it up and consider the past the past....work towards the future?
I told her almost everything in my heart in this letter. I told her how she went from abusing me as a child to using me as a teen. How she bullied me, and how she was the only person I ever cow toed to in my life. About how she used my mother to the bone, and never said thankyou. How she hurt us all and didn't think twice about it. And not all because of the drugs. Also because of who she is. I told her about things she had done in my past that stick in my mind, but have most likely run out of her memory long ago. About how she embarassed me, hurt me, disgusted me.
I tried to make it sound less accusatory and more explainatory. She once told me she wanted a real relationship with me. Long before the drugs got ahold of her. And I told her in the letter that the only way we could get that relationship is if I faced up to her. I told her how scared I was of her, and how tired I was of watching what I said and did all the time. I was tired of trying to make her happy so mum didn't pay for it.
I told her that I understood if she hated me, or cried, or got angry at me for the letter. How I hoped that there was someone in there that could help her through it better then someone or something out here. I told her I understood if she didn't write back or if she did, and it was mean and angry. I told her I was re-applying for her visitors list, but I also understood if she didn't want to see me.
I told her I knew that it was cowardly to tell her these things in a letter, but that I wasn't ready to tell her to her face. I told her that I don't answer the phone when she calls because the messages she leaves are angry. And it seems like she expects our lives to revolve around her still. That just because her life has come to a hub ours have not, and that she can't expect us to always be readily available.
I told her that I loved her, and I wanted a big sister, not a big bully. I also told her I wasn't even sure if I would send the letter, and if I did, I wanted her to know how hard it was for me.
Now the thing is....should I send it? Or rip it up and consider the past the past....work towards the future?
Replies
My son is also in prison and sometimes I get so angry with him that I will write him a letter explaining how he has hurt and embarrassed us. I will tell him all the things we have went thru because of his addictions. But I always hang onto the letter for at least a couple of days before I send it. I usually rephrase a few things and tone it down a bit. But sometimes I tear it up and throw it away. Just getting things off your chest will make you feel better. You have to realize that you can only control what you do in life.You have been allowing your sister have too much control over you. Just try to let go and go on with your life. Your sister will be just fine. You can love her from a distance.
Julie
I think this is great that you wrote a letter to your sister. Even if you don\'t decide to send it then at least you\'ve gotten out what you needed to say. In other words, it\'s good to vent. We\'re here to listen.
I have been going to NarAnon meeting for almost 2 years now - ever since my son got arrested and I\'ve learned so much from that group. You soon realize that the person on drugs or alcohol isn\'t really the person you used to know. Does this make sense? The drugs or alcohol takes over and they are not the same person. You have had a rough life and you seem like a pretty strong person which I think is great! Keep telling your story as I know it helps everyone who reads it, including me. Take Care.
Georgia
I rewrote my letter three times over the last two weeks, and I finally have a copy that I am going to send. I am not looking forward to the response, but I guess I have to be honest and suffer the friction in order to make any patches we need in our relationship.