Should I just roll over and die now?

I hate my late husband. I really hate him. Perhaps I may have loved him in life but in death I hate him. He did not take care of me AT ALL. He did not leave a will. He screwed me out of the house.  He did not leave adequate life insurance. He did not change the beneficiary designations on any of the savings (401k's, IRA's, Pensions) accounts.  So, his ex is claiming in excess of 10k owed her in extraordinary childcare expenses, plus 375k in life ins he was SUPPOSED to have left for his girls.  His 4 girls are suing for estate in its entirety.   They have sued me in 2 separate suits, using the same lawyers, contrived to place me in a lose lose corner. And, it is working.  I have been removed as admin of the estate, replaced by an independent court apptd admin who is now going to cost the estate 10's of thousands of dollars -- that it does not have.  In the end of this, the ex and the girls can only gain and I can only lose. But SHE has a job for 100k whereas I am disabled and unemployed.  And THEY get to go to top tier universities, at not cost to them, and graduate with degrees and get good paying jobs.  Me?  I get to join the welfare ranks... I am PISSED, ANGRY and FILLED WITH HATE!