Should!
I copied this from my inspired comment on Lisa's journal.
Everytime you hear yourself use the "Should" word, or variations of it, know that your have just Dissociated yourself from Reality! Should means,"I want things to be different than they actually are in Reality". It's a form of trying to escape the pain of not getting what you want, or believe you need, to be happy, therefore you are sad, disappointed, angry, judgmental, etc., and are attempting to change your mood by changing reality in the external world, when in fact if you make it possible to accept your disappointment instead of resisting it, you could accept Reality as unimportant to affecting the very mood you want to change but are spending too much energy on instead of changing your mood yourself, by letting go of the disturbing feeling. Stress is always about trying to change something that is IMPOSSIBLE for any human to CONTROL, or have the power, ability,or need, to change; and trying to change Reality is impossible.So there's your stress and anxiety, and anger-at-the-Self (depression) because your self doesn't have any fantasy "magical powers" to force Reality to change from what it is. It's neurotic, and addictive; everytime you try again hoping for a different result, "maybe this time".
So whenever you hear yourself use the "Should" word, you're really trying to resist some negative feeling instead of accepting it, and that feeling ANY negative feeling (I RESENT having to feel this way!) is a catastrophe, disaster, looming death, yadda, yadda, yadda,ad nausem hysteria. We ALL get disappointed with not getting our perfect little child-like needs met, throughout our lives, and guess what? We're still here, alive, and have survived. So what's the point of escaping reality? What does it DO, to escape what is? How has that EVER changed ANYTHING that we can't control anyway?
"Should" is a CONTROL issue. Now THAT'S what the Serenity Prayer is ALL about. Accept your powerlessness and helplessness as a real part of who you are, stop resisting it; and then let the Universe do It's Thing, without your judgment of it, and enjoy your part in it. God, The Universe, is infinitely more insightful about the future path to happiness than any human on how the external world NEEDS to be for you. You'll be surprised once you stop judging it, as Vicki suggests.
Everytime you hear yourself use the "Should" word, or variations of it, know that your have just Dissociated yourself from Reality! Should means,"I want things to be different than they actually are in Reality". It's a form of trying to escape the pain of not getting what you want, or believe you need, to be happy, therefore you are sad, disappointed, angry, judgmental, etc., and are attempting to change your mood by changing reality in the external world, when in fact if you make it possible to accept your disappointment instead of resisting it, you could accept Reality as unimportant to affecting the very mood you want to change but are spending too much energy on instead of changing your mood yourself, by letting go of the disturbing feeling. Stress is always about trying to change something that is IMPOSSIBLE for any human to CONTROL, or have the power, ability,or need, to change; and trying to change Reality is impossible.So there's your stress and anxiety, and anger-at-the-Self (depression) because your self doesn't have any fantasy "magical powers" to force Reality to change from what it is. It's neurotic, and addictive; everytime you try again hoping for a different result, "maybe this time".
So whenever you hear yourself use the "Should" word, you're really trying to resist some negative feeling instead of accepting it, and that feeling ANY negative feeling (I RESENT having to feel this way!) is a catastrophe, disaster, looming death, yadda, yadda, yadda,ad nausem hysteria. We ALL get disappointed with not getting our perfect little child-like needs met, throughout our lives, and guess what? We're still here, alive, and have survived. So what's the point of escaping reality? What does it DO, to escape what is? How has that EVER changed ANYTHING that we can't control anyway?
"Should" is a CONTROL issue. Now THAT'S what the Serenity Prayer is ALL about. Accept your powerlessness and helplessness as a real part of who you are, stop resisting it; and then let the Universe do It's Thing, without your judgment of it, and enjoy your part in it. God, The Universe, is infinitely more insightful about the future path to happiness than any human on how the external world NEEDS to be for you. You'll be surprised once you stop judging it, as Vicki suggests.
Replies
Should of, could of, and would of left my vocabulary several years ago. That being said, I have learned to be very patient with myself and other\'s when I slip back into old patterns...which I still do. I have much compassion for Self now and forgiveness for Self now. Therefore, I am much more compassionate and forgiving of others...Letting GOD to God\'s part has taken years for me to grasp...and again, I still get in the way. Much better, but I do slip up. Most of the time I am aware of my \'control\' issues and pretty much laugh at myself these days...Have a blessed day! xo
Thank you for this entry! I needed it right now. There is most definitely a peace in taking \'should\' out of my vocabulary right now xxx
Here\'s the hidden/obscure problem hiding from our awareness in order to prevent us addressing it as an irrational pattern: It\'s our JUDGMENTS that are CAUSING our pain, not Reality. By creating our judgments based on our emotions for our survival beliefs, WE are threatening our selves with our imagination. Reality is not the problem, our inability to accept reality is. We Wang this \"perfectly happy and emotionally satisfying world without pain\", and we are acting surprized when we don\'t get it and can\'t control it. It\'s our emotions for survival from childhood that we refuse to learn to control, not reality.
Judgment of self keeps me from forgiving myself.... the less I judge myself the more I forgive myself..for me, judgment is the opposite of forgiveness... that\'s why, for me labeling has stopped and allowance and acceptance is my gift to s e lf.... compassion for self when I forget... is major for me! Happy Sunday!
Happy Sunday! I\'m ushering at Celebration Circle this morning!
Plus, knowing this is this not the same using it consistently. Absorbing it into my life will continue to relieve my Cortisol stress and increase my dopamine & serotonin production.