shocking pain and worried about surgery

I have had my fistula reconstruction surgery this week. It went okay but left me feeling a bit exhausted. Preliminary checks look as though this should be ready in next two weeks as they have removed 2 rogue veins which were branching off and stealing blood supply. I won't know for sure for next two weeks, but either way operation will go ahead I may just need a graft to get me through the operation.
My 'carer' relationship with my husband is getting better as he is now bringing me drinks without me asking. Also I have a water cooler in the kitchen that filters tap water, and Jennyd36 gave me the idea of moving this up to the bedroom (duh- pretty obvous really when I know it's sat there but never thought). Personal relationship seems (in my eyes) to be getting worse. He has told me he feels trapped and guilty about going out on his bike or for a drink with his friends as he knows I can't go (mainly due to pain and exhaustion)- so I have reassured him that he can go whenever he likes and I will no hold this against him as he shuld not feel trapped just because I am. Unfortunately he has taken me completely at my word and seems to be out all the time. In fact I can't remember when in the last couple of weeks we have spent time together. He was full of a cold on Friday and his friend had already let him down so he had no one to go out with. He asked me if I was getting up (I didn't ant to) but the girls were out so I though I'd make the effort. I showered and dressed and even out a bit of makeup on just to keep him company. He then sat there for about 1 hour telling me he was bored even though we have all sky films which we hadn't looked at. By 7.00 I'd had enough so I said well if you're bored why dont you go out. He agreed that he would goout and have a few drinks at the local pub on our estate. He left at 7.45 p.m and returned at 3.00 am. Apparently he had got talking to a group of people who were going on to a club so he joined them ( anything to avoid me it seems). My mum and sister think I'm silly for encouraging him to go out and they may be right as he does seem to be taking advantage but at the same time I am worried that my condition isn't temporary and may not be fixed when my kidneys are removed so I'm just trying to make this bearable for him.
This brings me to my issue and the reason I am anxious. I am very concerned about the 'shocking' pain I get, which seems to have gotten worse over last few weeks in my shoulders, upper back, down arms, into ear. I am not really worried about what this is as I am absolutlely convinced it is my liver and when I mentioned it to my neophrology consultant last week she too voiced her concerns over the double nephrectomy probably not ridding me of this pain. She has advised me that I do have a massive liver and the pressure from the kidneys being removed may alleviate some of the pain but not all of it. This is when she gave me oxycodone. I am just taking this sporadically at the moment when I feel the pain coming on, but try to limit myself to 2 5mg tablets a day which I know is not a lot- but the drowsiness concerns me aswell so I donlt want to get too hooked as I will need to find something I can work with as that is my ultimate goal- to return to work. I have now started thinking more about the cancer situation which can only be confirmed once my kidneys are out, and also about researching the possibility fo being registered for kidney and liver transplant if pain doesn't go. Obviously this is all just in my head at the moment and lots of tests and consultations would have to take place before being able to be considered for this option- also if cancer is in the mix then I am not viable for transplant at this stage. And just when I'd finished thinking about all of this I suddenly though 'Sh*t what about dialysis. So i've gotten up out of bed again because I can't sleep. Just before my husband started snoring I asked him if I could come and do the weekly shopping with him tomorrow, becuase although I knw he likes to get up early and get everything done I could make the effort and if it got too much could sit down whilst he finished it off. He told me no as I will get in his way and hinder him. I then asked him if I could find a couple of days in next few weeks where I didn't have any hospital appointments and he had no jobs (he has minibuses and drivers to do the jobs) could we go somewhere for a couple of day like Chester or York- maybe go to theatre and do a little Christmas shopping for girls. He thought about it then said he is not wasting money on a break when I will probably be ill anyway. I felt like crying again but didn't-I just reminded him what a sh*t life I had and that I need to write down funeral arrangements as the operation is more risky due to my health(kidney function) and DOUBLE neohrectomy and I may not wake up!- I shouldn't have said this really but wanted him to feel something other than just brushing me off all the time. Anyway I do need to make my wishes known to both him and my mum and dad just to be prepared. To be honest not really thinking about death but do still want to create memory book for Jordan and Sophie because now I've been in imbo waiting for this operation I have not really discussed much of the details surrounding this to them, although other people know. I am trying to protect them so that their lives go on as normal but I do really think they need to know that while there are good odds for this operation some of my issues make it more risky. Sorry to ramble again in the early hours- feeling really sorry for myself- my daughters keep me going though. My youngest Sophie mad me a cup of tea this morning! wow- that is more or less a first- then she sent me a link on facebook for some shoes she wants asking me to buy them for her because I'm 'the best mum in the world'. She is having a giraffe- she is 17 -I got her a job at the corporate bank where I work and she gets about £10.00 per hour, which isn't bad for a 17 year old. She took the refusal quite well and we watched a romcom together 'How to Lose a Guy in 10 days'. My daughter Jordan brought me brew after brew all day long-also offering me food everytime. She then asked me if I wanted my toe nails and finger nails cutting and polishing, which I agreed to-I know she has already spent up this month as she has been going out more since her boyfriend of 2 years dumped her. So i am thinking of a proposition for her waxing my legs for £5.00, waxing eyebrowes for £5.00, colouring my hair for £5.00, massaging my shoulders as and when (not thought of price for this because I think I will need this more) and moisturising my dry skin all over with nice body creams- and maybe a nice spray tan before I go in hospital (not on abdomen though) because she has a kit as she did NVQ in beauty and hair when she was at school. I will provide supplies but it will give extra weekly money to go out and I get pampered all week - can't wait to see what she says when I ask her tomorrow. I might also rope her in to giving me a few lifts to visit relatives before going in to hospital for cash of course. That way we're helping each other. What a great idea- I've only just come up with that now- feeling better already.