shit shit shit fuck fuck fuck

Title explains it all. Fuck this life. I know I always say it's not worth it, but damn fucking shit it sure as fucking hell feels like it today.
Today has been horrible. I don't know what to do with myself. I was proud of myself this morning because things were going well I felt confident about things. I also told myself not to contact Joanna because I did not need to. Now I feel terrible because I did but I don't know what to. I wish she could help or calm me down but I know she can't. Maybe people are right and I rely on hero much- I don't know what else to do though, especially when I can't rely on others like today.
Everything has gone wrong today, everything. I did horrible on my exams (okay well my final grade in the class was a 'B'...I should of done much better and I'm kicking myself in the ass for not studying...ugh I suck) my sister cancelled plans on me because she decided to meet up with someone else, someone else forgot to meet up with me, my mother has yelled at me for multiple things today which were all ridiculous, and more.
I know I should be able to handle this and control myself, but I don't feel like I can. I'm so upset. I can't get myself to move or do anything. I feel like no one cares about me and I have just been forgotten about by everyone. No one responds to anything from me. I am ignored and it hurts so bad.
I can't control my emotions and it's do frustrating. I want to have a session with Joanna so badly but know that is impossible. I never want a week like this to ever occur again. Never. I'm not prepared for this.