Shit, Again?

  Well, the past few days i have been getting into drinking a couple of beers here and there. For me, this is just not good. I know where it can take me, and it's just playing with fire. It started out just being a one time thing, "To take the edge off." I was all worried about the support thing that was going on with me, and I just wanted to relaxe. I'm finding that it's back to a regular thing, and hell, I'm just having trouble getting back to being totally clean. To be honest, I just can't, or won't stop on my own. It's not a major thing where I'm getting drunk. Actually far from it. It's only two or three beers here and there, but I miss what I had before. Seems so stupid, but I know it's a disease. That part is for sure with me. Doesn't matter about the amount. It just affects me differant than other people. It affects my sleeping, makes me anxious and nervouse, takes away my motivation to do what I need to do, and I know before long it creates trouble for me. I want, and need my meetings, but I won't go if I'm drinking. I need those. They keep me balanced. I went for my apointment tonight at St. Mary's, and told them everything. I just need a little help getting back to what I was doing. We talked about other programes available, and I want to do those, but they said I have to be totally clean first. I've had way too much time on my hands, and that's not good for me. So in order to get into the programes that I need, I have to go into detox again. In reality, I agree. I've opened the door by drinking, and it's just hard to shut again on my own. anyway, i have the time available right now, so I think it's the best thing to do. I don't want to start working with this, because I know it will just get messed up. I want this job. It's perfect for me. Good money, and what I like to do. i also have a lady that I'm interested in. I want that too, but I'm very afraid that using, or drinking will take that away, and I'm not going to gamble on that. I've wanted to find a good person for so long, and I have, but I know I'll lose that if I continue. I also don't want to hurt anyone, but that is inevitable with drinking or using. Just can't serve two gods, and there is no middle ground. It's either good, or bad. Missery, or happiness on life's terms with God. god has been very good to me, so I'm going with his way. This is really a no brainer choice for me. I know nothing good comes from drinking. Not for me. Thank you Lord, that it's not too bad, and that I can do something now, while things are still good. Thank you.