shifting sands

I went to work today and had a good outlook. I was trying not to be so much about myself and just be supportive and flexible.

The work day was ok, I didn't get as much done as I would have liked, I felt bad, but I got a good amount completed.

I came back to the house and transitioned back to being here amongst a group of adults. I try to get along with them all, including the manager but I spend a lot of time in my room to put it gently.

I felt well today because I was imagining what I wanted to do with my day - rather than just self sooth and be comfort seeking.

I did watch a few shows I like to watch on Tuesdays but I imagined to get going on some projects after they were done.

After the shows, selfishly, I felt like I wanted to give myself a treat and that was to go to Starbucks to get a hot chocolate.

I have a housemate who tends to like Starbucks, so I decided to invite her. Mistake. She was so unstable today it was unhinging.

I came back from Starbucks and I have been cocooning in my room. Kind of going back to the old ways of just self soothing. I looked back at how I had some ambition earlier today - and now I felt like just being passive - and watching the travel show (on PBS.)

I kind of just have to take a deep breath, be flexible and think that maybe life just changes us - and get back to doing the projects that I thought about earlier. That's what I really want to do. I will.