She's In My Heart With My Father Now
My best friends mom, my second mom, died today.
I woke up late, 2pm to be exact, because I have been battling a cold. I sat up, and I thought to myself...'Lisa is going to die today.' Then I scolded myself for such a negative thought and crawled out of bed to crawl into a hot bath.
Let me explain Lisa. She is my second mother. She has always been there for me when I needed her. She has helped me through life when my mother was working three jobs to keep us fed and housed.
She has beaten cancer twice. This third time.....I knew it was the end...I knew it! But I kept telling myself in my hearts of hearts that she could do it again. She could win again. Even when she became paralyzed from the waist down. Even when she went through bouts of delusions. Even when she went into a coma four days ago. I told myself conciously that she was going to die, to prepare myself. But deep inside I was still hanging onto that thin hope that she would wake up, beat the cancer and move on.
I prayed. I don't believe in God. But I prayed. And she still died today.
My daughter turned 6 months old today, and Lisa only saw her once. Because I was a coward. I couldn't bring myself to go to the hospital. To see her in that bed, the machines all around, saying things that didn't make sense. Bald and toothless.
I miss her so much already. I want to be with my best friend, but I know she is surrounded by family...and her husband hates me so I really think going to her would be a bad decision.
I love you mama Lisa, and I'll miss you always.
I woke up late, 2pm to be exact, because I have been battling a cold. I sat up, and I thought to myself...'Lisa is going to die today.' Then I scolded myself for such a negative thought and crawled out of bed to crawl into a hot bath.
Let me explain Lisa. She is my second mother. She has always been there for me when I needed her. She has helped me through life when my mother was working three jobs to keep us fed and housed.
She has beaten cancer twice. This third time.....I knew it was the end...I knew it! But I kept telling myself in my hearts of hearts that she could do it again. She could win again. Even when she became paralyzed from the waist down. Even when she went through bouts of delusions. Even when she went into a coma four days ago. I told myself conciously that she was going to die, to prepare myself. But deep inside I was still hanging onto that thin hope that she would wake up, beat the cancer and move on.
I prayed. I don't believe in God. But I prayed. And she still died today.
My daughter turned 6 months old today, and Lisa only saw her once. Because I was a coward. I couldn't bring myself to go to the hospital. To see her in that bed, the machines all around, saying things that didn't make sense. Bald and toothless.
I miss her so much already. I want to be with my best friend, but I know she is surrounded by family...and her husband hates me so I really think going to her would be a bad decision.
I love you mama Lisa, and I'll miss you always.
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