She does a 180 and then says she doesn't want to confuse me
So on the heels of my toughest day yet...
I walked in our bedroom, expecting her to be sleeping in and was surprised to see she was awake. She started some small talk. Then out of the blue she asked if I was okay. How do I answer that? So of course I paused and looked at her. WTH, she was tearing up. I said I was okay and she asked if I needed a hug. I immediate formed a lump in my throat the size of a grapefruit. I couldn't speak so I nodded, knowing I was barely hanging on. She opened her arms and I held her tight. She started bawling and I cried too. She started saying she was so scared she was making the biggest mistake of her life. I told her she was. She said, "what if a year later I decide I need you back?" I told her she probably would but it would be too late. Forgive my lapse but I cried the hardest I can remember. I said that I don't want her to leave but if she can't love me and commit to me and this precious family she had to.
This is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. All I want is to hold her. I want the love of my life back as my wife. I want to comfort her and tell her how much I love her.
We started talking about our day plans as we have things to do for the family and in preparation for Christmas. Minutes later she walked up to me, held me, then kissed me tenderly followed by a fresh tears. Then she said she didn't want to confuse me...
Confuse me?! Are you freaking crazy? I'm confused, tormented, and praying for the future of my marriage and family. I'm 100% committed to those things but I know it is doomed if she doesn't get professional help to straighten her out. I told her this and she said she's scared she wouldn't like the answers that might come up. I told her it could not be any worse than this.
Pray for us.
I walked in our bedroom, expecting her to be sleeping in and was surprised to see she was awake. She started some small talk. Then out of the blue she asked if I was okay. How do I answer that? So of course I paused and looked at her. WTH, she was tearing up. I said I was okay and she asked if I needed a hug. I immediate formed a lump in my throat the size of a grapefruit. I couldn't speak so I nodded, knowing I was barely hanging on. She opened her arms and I held her tight. She started bawling and I cried too. She started saying she was so scared she was making the biggest mistake of her life. I told her she was. She said, "what if a year later I decide I need you back?" I told her she probably would but it would be too late. Forgive my lapse but I cried the hardest I can remember. I said that I don't want her to leave but if she can't love me and commit to me and this precious family she had to.
This is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. All I want is to hold her. I want the love of my life back as my wife. I want to comfort her and tell her how much I love her.
We started talking about our day plans as we have things to do for the family and in preparation for Christmas. Minutes later she walked up to me, held me, then kissed me tenderly followed by a fresh tears. Then she said she didn't want to confuse me...
Confuse me?! Are you freaking crazy? I'm confused, tormented, and praying for the future of my marriage and family. I'm 100% committed to those things but I know it is doomed if she doesn't get professional help to straighten her out. I told her this and she said she's scared she wouldn't like the answers that might come up. I told her it could not be any worse than this.
Pray for us.
Replies
I am so sorry you heart is being tormented like this but you handled the best way you could for you. I will keep you in my prayers.
I confess the emotion from her was like a drink of cold spring water to a man in the desert. I want it... No I need it so bad, but I don\'t know what portion was love and what was fear.
At least I now have a memory of what might have been our last kiss.
I will pray for you & your family. I have just gone through 2 years of this back & forth & it is only over with now because I won\'t let it continue any longer. My heart can not take it. Hopefully, she won\'t play with your emotions for 2 years. Many prayers to you.