SHE CAN DO TOILET PAPER

I am wondering what did I do...and what do I do now..It's not I do not love my mom..but she really drives me nuts...I am not able to do this whatever I am suppose to do...I am trying to get her into a nursing home..in KENTUCKY..seems my whoa's are KENTUKCY..but this is what we have been trying to do since they moved her out of the nursing home earlier this year..or last year..I don't know...just that SHE was happy there at the nursing home...but NO KENTUCKY  has this in-between place betwen nursing home and taking care of yourself...MOM can not take care of herself..BUT for some reason when she lives seems to think she can...they are dumber than a rock sorry folks I am from Kentucky so I can say it...but she can't even figure out what pills to take...she don't know my name..thinks I am her sister...can't cook without burning down the house...falls...but NO KENTUCKY says she is capable ...I am trying to figure out what is she capable of ..well figured out one thing SHE USES LOADS OF TOILET PAPER...ABOUT4 ROLLS A DAY..SHE CAN DO THAT..
I wonder if they put that it their records...seems like they forget to write down she can't tell anyone where she is...can't tell time..don't know when to eat...or get a shower or bath...would not know one pill from the other...yet...she  KENTUCKY MEDICAID LAWS SAYS SHE IS ABLE...YET SHE CAN'T REMEMBER WHY SHE IS DOING WHAT...I mean we all have this problem at times..but this is worse..or is it a game..how do you know...whatever it is I can't take it...and Kentucky says she can't go into a nursing home....so what do you put yourself in the nursing home cause your losing it yourself....and tonight who knows what is going on but she keeps looking for something...talking about taking her pills a thousand times again...
More TOILET PAPER maybe now she will go to bed...which I could have swore she went an hour ago...
I really can't take it...and Kentucky Laws just don't help..it might be that children are to take care of their parent as some say as they took care of us..but it is different....I sorta agreed with that before now...the difference is if the kids (us who were once little) we were told it was bed time...or during my growing up which didnt happen to me but some spanked if they didn't mind..an then the parents could sit down for a nice evening...I can tell you this...IT AIN'T happening that way here...she has talked..okay mumbled for 5 hours..repeated herself..1000 time, repeated what the tv has said over and over...and of course has brought up cancer on several occasions letting us know she survived...That is great she did..but some days are not good days for me...and this is one of them...
But I still don't know why you can not put someone in a nursing home at least if they are being treating good...where we took her from NOT..but it was not a nursing home...
Well, buy your stock in Charmin..cause she does know how soft it is.....
 
 

Replies

rcoco
rcoco

Your frustration is palpable, and understandable. It is clear that your mom needs round the clock care. Perhaps there are community resources you can tap into....Ohio has many agencies for the Elderly that offer help, advice, transportation, and guidance, there must be something in Indiana. Perhaps your mom needs to be in an Alzheimers unit. She needs an eval asap, and I might suggest monitoring her toileting, she is clearly not competent to be alone.
Sometimes there are volunteers in the community through elderly services that can provide respite care.....I hope you can find some help Sandy...I know firsthand how rough it is caring for elderly parents....and mine are \"with it\".
Good luck, Rebecca
deleted_user
deleted_user

Oh Sandi...you are so funny...I\'m sorry...I did get a giggle from you journal. At the same time I feel sorry for you and for your mother\'s state of being. It is why I pray not to get old...my own mother has dementia/Alzheimers but she does not live with me. I pray you can endure this until you find a good place for her to get good care. I know this is draining you...it is like having a baby all over again. What is it about toilet paper and our mothers? My mom does the very same thing. We have had major plumbing problems when she visited before .....ugh....I\'ll give serious consideration to buying stock in Charmin now that I have the inside scoop....Much love and patience for you dear friend....XOXOX dale..brandon\'s mom
heartsandhands
heartsandhands

Yikes Sandi. No one can do this. Are there social workers anywhere nearby who specialize in elder care? Agency on aging? Alzheimer\'s Society? Oh oh oh I hope there is a better day... this is crazy. You will look back on this and think HOW DID I DO IT????
Much love and respect for each day you hang on (but hoping it is not for much longer... that something better appears!)
Sarah
JennsMom66
JennsMom66

do they have a group home situation where she would be \'independent\' within a structured home?
This having older parents is horrible, I went through it with my Dad
Hugs with understanding. MaryLou
mummar
mummar

This is a very difficult time for you - and anyone having to be responsible for an elderly parent. I work for a home care company - maybe not what you need but have you looked into getting some help of that kind? Also CICOA has different support available that is means tested - and can also refer you to other resourses, I\'m sure. Visiting Nurse Service provides free respite care, also....well, they have been taken over so not so sure about that but worth a call? Adult day care centers? There are several here in Indy and they are very good. Good luck with everything - this is not easy. Take care of yourself ~ Joanna
Livingjuicy
Livingjuicy

I cannot offer any more ideas than have been by these wise women. What I do need to say, Sandi, is even in the midst you have your sense of humor which will save you. My late mom used to say, \"Modern medicine keeps us here way too long and then no one knows what to do with us?\" That used to hurt my heart to hear her say that yet there was so much truth in those words. We had our mom in a care center down within two minutes of each of us (my sister and me) and it was not perfect yet neither of us could care for her needs in our homes. I\'m hopeful that something can be found that\'s suitable and please do everything that you can for you. Caring hugs, Joanie
ter1
ter1

One of my fears was that I would not be able to care for my aging parents. However, both died before they were mentally incapacitated. Now my fear is that I or my husband will be a burden on my son, I really don\'t want that. It\'s hard on you Sandi, and it may not be hard on your Mom because she doesn\'t have the capacity to understand. I wish I had some advice for you but I don\'t, so I\'m just sending you love and prayers for peace. Terry
renjon
renjon

I have been helping my sister care for my mom and dad since 2002. Dad could not be alone and MOM still had her brain so she had to go with him to the daycare centre daily and on weekend we had to pay to get help. Dad died at 85 in 2009 and now my Mom seems to be going into LALA Land. This morning I had to help her dress to meet the van to take her to the daycare facility. My sister is a nurse and works 2 days a week. It is really hard on her . I help when she is at work and goes on a vacation. Growing up we never thought of the care our parents wiould need as they age. Just prayer to God and he will show you way to cope this. Now I am wondering what happens to my MOM as she continues on the downward track . She will be 90 this year. We just have to take the changes day by day for now. It is no joke . Harriett
deleted_user
deleted_user

Sandi, Joana, may be on to something. If you can show your not capable of caring for your Mother, just maybe she would be eligible for free in home nurses., or maybe if you share the issues with ladies from your church they may volunteer to help. One of my best friend is going through a rough time, so the church has step in with help as she doesn\'t wish to place her Mother in a nursing home....at least it would give you a few hours of a much needed break....Please rest when your able. Love and lots of prayer, Pat
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JerryJsMom
JerryJsMom

Sandi,

It sounds like your state\'s requirements are very tight and it sounds like it\'s that way because they don\'t want to pay for nursing home care unless they are forced to, in some cases. This is so unfortunate. As an old home care nurse, I\'ve seen this in other states as well.
Having your mom evaluated by a private organization is probably your best bet. That way you can get documentation by a third party that she indeed needs the 24 hour care of a nursing home. Have your tried calling elder care services? Here is a link for an agency in Kentucky:
http://www.eldercarelink.com/Provider/Listing/Elderly_Services/Kentucky/1

I feel for what you are going through, hun as I have worked with many families in the past in your situation. Many people can\'t afford to pay for private services out-of-pocket, such as home care visits or even adult day care. You need help, hun. Kick and scream until you get it. *Hug* Adrianne
lionheartsmom
lionheartsmom

Sandi, This journal entry took me back several months to when I was taking care of my mom. My mother didn\'t have alz, but turned into a diva. She lived her life as a hermit. Not wanting to \"bother\" any of us. When I initially started to take care of her, I found the house in shambles, nothing worked....toilets, hot water etc. Then as myself, my sister and my brother started to \"fix\" things, she started to demand more and more. Point being, even tho we love them, they can drive us crazy. Between that and the physical care she needed, I was exhausted. So I truly understand what you are experiencing. (Her last two weeks she didn\'t know who I was...we searched for health cards, insurance papers etc) I\'m convinced laws are made by those who don\'t understand. Know I\'m praying for you to get the strength to continue. People around me kept saying mom could last many more months or even years in her bed-ridden state. So thinking she was getting better (which she was at the time) I decided I couldn\'t continue. She died a month later and to this day I regret my decision. So I will send tons of prayers. Love and peace, Roselle