Seriously, What\'s the Point Anymore?

You try to change your life by changing who you are, new clothes, new hair cut and style, being nicer, being quieter, or even being louder.But no matter what you change, no matter how hard you try they still beat you down, you try to sound smart..older, they treat you like a little child, you can't beat em... so you join them, next thing you know your walking down the street not a clue as to where you are or where your going.No, not it?Okay, how about minding your own business waiting for the bus and all of sudden someone comes over and pokes you as hard as they can and says to their friends ' I knew it, it does jiggle' meaning you, not the fat that surrounds you..No, still not there?How about; Having the worst day ever imaginable and then having to go home and have it happen all over again and even worse then it was at school.How about being abused every single day by your older brother and sister and your mother not doing a damn thing about it? Because she doesn't know what goes on, because you know that if you tell her and they get in trouble it's going to be all on you.How about never being able to escape from everything around you?They always tell you if you are being bullied tell an adult, how can you tell an adult when in reality there are no adults because those bullys learn how to torture from their parents.... yeah, yeah ,yeah, bullys have problems too,... then why don't they get the help and leave us the fuck alone? Break the damn cycle!!! It's taking a toll on all of us in every single way... some more than others..Some of us can hide it better than others, go home and just sit in the shower and break down... every single day, and then get in shit when they don't go to school because they don't want their heads smashed into the bus window because they know that the 'adults' won't do anything...They're concidered adults becuase of their age, well, Age Ain't Nothing But A Number!!!!So, I ask my question, Seriously, What's the point anymore?No one cares, no one wants to care.They only 'help' you because they feel bad.If you jump out of your three story bedroom window, drown yourself in the bathtub, or go to sleep with the comforter over your head and hope you don't wake up..... Again they won't care, it's just another kid they don't care about.All you see on T.V is comercials wanting money to help other kids in third world countries, what about the kids in your own country? They need your help just as much as third world country children and their families.Kids in your neighborhood, in your own house... Your children, and because you freak out over the littlest things; Yelling bless you to someone who sneezed out in the hallway, You yelling at them and telling them that that's soo embarressing. And you wonder why they don't tell you anything, why they're scared to say what's going on, what's on they're mind....Something horrible is going on in they're lives and your too damn busy to even get the fuck off the computer or stop drinking to understand what's going on with them.You spend more time with your friends then with me! What about me?! I need my mom sometimes you know!Why are you always yelling at me for every little thing that i do 'wrong'.I did the damn load of laundry that you wanted me to, don't tell me that i should have done it a certain way, if you want me to do something ASK me don't TELL me i HAVE to do it!!!!You don't like it when i yell at you, you don't like it when i ask for money so don't ask ME for money, especially when i hardly ever get any of my own.I don't ask you for money all the time for useless stuff so don't ask me, and when i say no don't fucking make me feel bad about it!!! You work for YOUR money, and i work for MINE!!Yeah, yeah, yeah you work harder, i only babysit.It's harder than it sounds!!!Especially when YOUR son, my so-called 'brother' is being a jackass the whole time!You don't give a flying rats ass anyways!!!If i jumped off the roof you would give a fucking shit anyways,, you'd just go drinking or bury your self in more work... I pity the rest of them!I can't fake a smile anymore, i can't pretend everything's okay anymore, it's not!I worry just as much, if not more than you do.I'm tired of yelling 'HEY LOOK AT ME!!' That doesn't work, not even ten years ago, you just told me to shut up and sit down that i was embarressing you.If i'm such an embarressment, why'd you have me in the first place?I know that was a mistake.And everything i do now is still a mistake, because no matter how good i do, no matter how happy i make myself after that split second is over i realize; It doesn't matter unless you're happy for me,.. Sincerly happy, not that fake bullshit you shovel out.Don't talk down to me, don't treat me like a little child... I know it gets old after the first two, but it's all new for me and all i want is at least one parent to be there when i succeed, and if i don't want to go far don't make me..I will evenutally choose the right thing to do, but if you keep pushing me i won't ever make it, i'll hold back on everything and life won't be as amazing as it should be.I hold back everyday and i try so hard to find a way to let you know just how i'm feeling and still you don't care, you turn away and put me in a slump...I'm in the gutter and the only way i can get out is if you pull me by the hand and make me fly.I don't want to die anymore, I want to be happy, but when he makes me feel soo hated i can't help but to cry and wish i was about to die.So please, help me, don't push me.I will get there on my own sweet time.....----