sept 11, 2011

the first journal of many.  i dont know who will read this if anyone.  all i know is that i have to sahre what i'm feeling and wht i'm thinking before i go crazy.  after all the crap i've been through, i sometimes question my own ability to make decisions and to trust my instinct.  
i know this comes from being emotionally abused as a child and through the natural progression into adulthood.  i'm leaving a terribly emotionally abusive relationship that i thought i could control.  he was like all other abusers, feeding on my love and my heart.  at first he loved me because of my beauty and my outgoing friendly personality.  then the jealousy started setting in and he began to change..i saw it, ignored it and got hurt the most out of it..
today is his birthday and i'm giving myself a present.  i'm giving myself the present of freedom from his abuse and the pain and confusion he brings to my life.  i'm alone and anxious as hell, tired of shaking and crying but i'm being positive that one day all that will go away and i will heal.  
i'm hoping this site will help me by having other people to encourage me, support me and show me some of the love i'm missing in my life right now.  
this is the beginning to the end of abuse