Send me some damn strength!!!

There is no one I can talk to. No one. My family, his family...I can't do it. His mother is a complete drama queen and will roll into town screaming at doctors and making it all about her. My family will run to my side and I will have to reassure them and I just can't do it right now.

Last night, Steve took an overdose. At first, we, me and the medical personnel didn't know what was going on, but bit by bit it came together.

Yesterday I had to go to salon to get my roots done. My girl was busy, working on 3 of us at the same time. It took 3 hours. He was very upset about it when I got home. He is jealous...and he waas very drunk. I made it crystal clear I wasn't going to be falsely accused and he better get himself in check. He calmed down a bit. About 8pm he went to bed to watch a dvr'd football game and I watched msnbc for an hour. I haven't slept well lately. I doubled up on my 2 sleeping pilld and xanax. About 9pm I went to bed. An hour later he started making weird noises, which I coldly attributed to his snoring and ignored. The he fell off the bed and was unresponsive. I called 911 and followed the ambulance to the hospital. I had gathered his medications and given them to the paramedic. He asked me if Steve could have overdosed. I said No Way!!!.

He still had not gained consciousness when I left last night, so pissed off. He was on a respirator and a NG tube pumping his stomach. When we first got to the hosital the doctor noticed his Ambien and Ativan bottles were empty and should have been half full. They ran tests, CAT scan, etc. No stroke. No other explanation. I slowly came to the realisation. I made it home after 2am, to my paramedic wrecked home. Let the dogs out. Talked to the doctor.

I have to get dressed, go back.

He'd asked me to stop by market and pick up a turkey on my way home.

I have to go back to hospital. I am alone. He still hasn't woke up.