Semi-Normal Day
Today was almost normal. It's Wednesday, which means I don't work. I was thinking about going in today while I was up yesterday, but I wanted to sleep. I got plenty of sleep last night (13+ hours) but I just felt exhausted. Losing your mind isn't easy, I guess. I'm still tired, but slowly recovering. I think it's the reintroduction of all the meds at once. I didn't get the full dose of my sleeping pill, but I'm still tired and sleeping like the dead. No dreams or anything, barely waking up to my phone and then when I wake up it's abrupt. I don't know if I'm going to go into work tomorrow. I sometimes go in on Thursdays when I don't have therapy. I know they need me, but they might not have space for me. They have been redoing the desks and the desk I used to work at is gone. I might be able to sit at the bosses old desk, but yesterday when I came in someone was sitting there. It was just for a bit, so I might be able to get away with that. I'm not sure, though. I know if I go in, they will find something for me to do. Even if it's back at the Information Desk. That would be a nice change of pace. I miss working there.
I miss the Information Desk because it was always something different. Yeah, you were making appointments, but you were interacting with the patients and helping them out that way. And I know that someone that speaks Spanish is needed there, and I speak Spanish. At least I kinda speak Spanish, in my funny half-Mexican way. I guess being half Mexican is good for something. Not that being Mexican (or white) is bad in any way. Just the oddity of it. There's not a lot of Mexicans down here in Miami, and I look white so people just assume I'm fully white. It's only when I start speaking Spanish that I get questions. Not many... people aren't that nosy about it. Just wondering why this white girl is speaking to them in Spanish. I just tell them that my dad was Mexican and that's pretty much all that's required.
I'm getting tired again. It's not late, but I might try and go to sleep early tonight. For the past couple of nights I've been having a hard time falling asleep, but last night it wasn't too bad. I guess I stayed up late enough for my body to catch up with my mind and I fell asleep fast. Normally my mind is racing or my body is twitching. Staying up until 11pm or so is normally the key for me to fall asleep fast on my own, but besides last night that wasn't good enough. I had to take klonopin for a couple nights. I didn't want to, but it was after midnight and I wanted to fall asleep so I could go to work. Monday it didn't work, but Tuesday it did. I feel like I could fall asleep now and sleep until noon (it's 9pm my time). I don't know what to do when I wake up early. Geo normally sleeps late, and I don't know what to do while he sleeps. Today I tried going on the computer, but I think that woke him.
Mood today was okay. I managed to go for my walk... slow as a turtle, but I managed the whole distance I set out to do and more. I was only going to do .8 of a mile, but I did the 1.2 mile walk instead. I know it doesn't seem like a lot more, but it was. It was hard, but I did it. It took me 44 minutes to do the whole thing (at 37 minutes a mile) but I did it, and that's the important thing. I need to start walking more again. I'm probably way set back on my 5k walking (probably can only walk the 1.2 mile at the most right now) and I was hoping to do a 10k sometime soon. Oh well, I can't help that I got sick and couldn't exercise. The Neurontin taper has to go on. I hope I don't get another setback on Friday when I step down again to 0, but it's to be expected.
Food today was bad again. I was at about 1,000 calories. I just don't feel hungry, and I can't force myself to eat because I'm already on the verge of puking up the little I do manage to eat. I swear, it's like ED came in behind my back and I'm hopeless against it. I do get hungry at night, and I guess I need to eat more at night. I'm just not used to it, so it's hard for me to get up out of bed when I'm getting ready to fall asleep (or talking on the phone) and cook something to eat. I have Fiber One bars, but they don't have enough calories in them to make up the difference. I need something like ramen, something with substance, to get in my daily calories. I guess I shouldn't worry too much about it until I'm healed. I've only lost 1.5 pounds (to 218 now), so the lack of exercise is helping stay off too much of the weight loss.
I miss the Information Desk because it was always something different. Yeah, you were making appointments, but you were interacting with the patients and helping them out that way. And I know that someone that speaks Spanish is needed there, and I speak Spanish. At least I kinda speak Spanish, in my funny half-Mexican way. I guess being half Mexican is good for something. Not that being Mexican (or white) is bad in any way. Just the oddity of it. There's not a lot of Mexicans down here in Miami, and I look white so people just assume I'm fully white. It's only when I start speaking Spanish that I get questions. Not many... people aren't that nosy about it. Just wondering why this white girl is speaking to them in Spanish. I just tell them that my dad was Mexican and that's pretty much all that's required.
I'm getting tired again. It's not late, but I might try and go to sleep early tonight. For the past couple of nights I've been having a hard time falling asleep, but last night it wasn't too bad. I guess I stayed up late enough for my body to catch up with my mind and I fell asleep fast. Normally my mind is racing or my body is twitching. Staying up until 11pm or so is normally the key for me to fall asleep fast on my own, but besides last night that wasn't good enough. I had to take klonopin for a couple nights. I didn't want to, but it was after midnight and I wanted to fall asleep so I could go to work. Monday it didn't work, but Tuesday it did. I feel like I could fall asleep now and sleep until noon (it's 9pm my time). I don't know what to do when I wake up early. Geo normally sleeps late, and I don't know what to do while he sleeps. Today I tried going on the computer, but I think that woke him.
Mood today was okay. I managed to go for my walk... slow as a turtle, but I managed the whole distance I set out to do and more. I was only going to do .8 of a mile, but I did the 1.2 mile walk instead. I know it doesn't seem like a lot more, but it was. It was hard, but I did it. It took me 44 minutes to do the whole thing (at 37 minutes a mile) but I did it, and that's the important thing. I need to start walking more again. I'm probably way set back on my 5k walking (probably can only walk the 1.2 mile at the most right now) and I was hoping to do a 10k sometime soon. Oh well, I can't help that I got sick and couldn't exercise. The Neurontin taper has to go on. I hope I don't get another setback on Friday when I step down again to 0, but it's to be expected.
Food today was bad again. I was at about 1,000 calories. I just don't feel hungry, and I can't force myself to eat because I'm already on the verge of puking up the little I do manage to eat. I swear, it's like ED came in behind my back and I'm hopeless against it. I do get hungry at night, and I guess I need to eat more at night. I'm just not used to it, so it's hard for me to get up out of bed when I'm getting ready to fall asleep (or talking on the phone) and cook something to eat. I have Fiber One bars, but they don't have enough calories in them to make up the difference. I need something like ramen, something with substance, to get in my daily calories. I guess I shouldn't worry too much about it until I'm healed. I've only lost 1.5 pounds (to 218 now), so the lack of exercise is helping stay off too much of the weight loss.
Replies
Its going to take awhile to get back on track after trying the taper... be good to yourself. Sleep and nutrition and exercise is so important to getting your body back on track.... i know like i got alot of room to talk lol.... isnt it so weird i can talk the talk but cant walk the walk. So proud of you it sounds like you are right on track with getting your mind and body back to recovering from the taper.. Hugggzzz
I think you should ask to always be allowed to work on the reception desk. It sounds like you really really enjoy it and there is no reason why they shouldn\'t adapt to you a little.
Awesome that you went on a longer walk. Nature helps to lift our mood and you get exercise at the same time.
Have you tried to drink Ensure Plus. That has 350 cals and is a lot healthier than Rahmen. Just a thought.
Karrin, I don\'t know if Ensure is covered by food stamps. That\'s how I afford food each month. I don\'t know what I would do without them.
sorry for being so late in commenting. your body has been going through a lot of changes, off meds now back on. your body will adjust and the tired feeling will subside. about food stamps, is there a list of foods you can buy, it would be very helpful, i would imagine the ensure would be one of them, at least it should be. great job on walking and yes it sounds like a lot for you right now. you will be able to do the 5k, then the 10k at your own pace and by keeping walking your body will just get stronger besides feeling better for being outside.