Semester Break Blues
Okay, so this week I was on semester break. Colleges have them, of course. Should be a piece of cake, right?
Not exactly. I was hoping to get a jump on some of my second half material this week because I know some major projects are going to be coming down the pipe in the next few weeks and so it wouldn't hurt to get ahead.
That didn't work out too good, in fact you can say it didn't work out at all. The pressure to hide from people, from things I don't want to face (I have to rework my resume soon -- aaaagh!) is just plain too much. The underlying memories are too much.
A lot of my free time had to go to working privately with a friend to make inroads on that, and that involved a good amount of probing into the high school smoke bombing and what it was done to me emotionally. We were able to uncover that a lot of my hiding has stemmed from that because my fears about a recurrence has led me to treat other people the same way that I did my HS peers despite the fact that those people are years and years out of my life.
So she wants to try mantras to help give some semblance of control, a terrific, terrific idea because control is something that is badly missing right now. My problem is that I really don't know where to start -- the pressures to hide and the things that I'm hiding from are just so...numerous? Do we have to address them all at once, or do we do one at a time?
Not exactly. I was hoping to get a jump on some of my second half material this week because I know some major projects are going to be coming down the pipe in the next few weeks and so it wouldn't hurt to get ahead.
That didn't work out too good, in fact you can say it didn't work out at all. The pressure to hide from people, from things I don't want to face (I have to rework my resume soon -- aaaagh!) is just plain too much. The underlying memories are too much.
A lot of my free time had to go to working privately with a friend to make inroads on that, and that involved a good amount of probing into the high school smoke bombing and what it was done to me emotionally. We were able to uncover that a lot of my hiding has stemmed from that because my fears about a recurrence has led me to treat other people the same way that I did my HS peers despite the fact that those people are years and years out of my life.
So she wants to try mantras to help give some semblance of control, a terrific, terrific idea because control is something that is badly missing right now. My problem is that I really don't know where to start -- the pressures to hide and the things that I'm hiding from are just so...numerous? Do we have to address them all at once, or do we do one at a time?
Replies