Self responsible and vulnerable

I have had a weird morning.

I was kind of relaxed at the outset.

I didn't feel ready for tomorrow's workday but I know I can and will steel myself when the time comes. 

I made a cup of tea and then got on the zoom call with my family.

My Schizophrenia side to my illness has me so stiff and inconsistent sometimes.

Asocial.

After the call it left me feeling vulnerable...and I'm grateful... I really 'got that' and why.

I came out for a walk to exercise. I called my parents to see if they needed help today (though we had just seen each other on the zoom.)

I am just remembering that I need to be self responsible as much as I can as well as be useful to my family and community. I don't want to be brutal with myself but I know that I need to find ways to slowly turn the tides of feeling insecure and vulnerable in the world when I am confronted by my disability. Sometimes reason and wisdom can't come soon enough.

sometimes I want restoration in an instant but it comes as it comes in its own pace. Stay the course. Steady as she goes. Keep on keeping on.