Self regulation
I was telling my therapist yesterday
that I realized for all the group spirit that is here, i can feel kind of drained at times, well a lot quite frankly. When I go to my room I recoiled at the idea of doing my laundry and personal chores yesterday. Then I thought about how I need to have my own personal standard, keep it up so to speak, and that seemed to connect me with the energy and enthusiasm for taking pride in my life. It's important to have your own standard to fill and take pride in and yet to also let that standard be in the context of the others (don't let perfect be the opposite of the good)
My therapist called this keeping your own standard "self regulation " and we all have to do it she said.
so I'm here in the living room today after service. I had some coffee. My nights' rests here are very deep. It takes a while to wake up.
I'm feeling feckless as I don't seem to do the strictness of the services so well. Nor do I always have a contributing role. There seems to be a sense of obediences here and yet sadly a lot of waiting around. Today it's kind of demoralizing. I'm glad I'm awake to to it. I seem to be processing my present rather than spinning in ideas.
I know if I am to be here I need to start working at it. Transition time has been needed but now I feel like I need a goal. Maybe i will try and start working at the market earlier.
Replies
I don’t think that’s a bad idea to start working earlier. I think it would be a good test to see how life is feeling overall when you have interactions outside of your new home base. A balance where your reflection on each day will be sturdier with the balance you find at home.
I’m feeling overloaded lately and work is a big part of that. But coming home to a small community I have now in my building with great neighbors makes the tensions lighter.
Big hug, Mark.
WHERE'S MY PERFECT LIFE! ! !
my wandering life has carried me through quite allot of different lifestyles on 3 continents and i still haven't found a lifestyle that matches my dreams of nirvana. success is getting what you want. you wanted a communal lifestyle and you got it. happiness is wanting what you get. in my personal herstory, wanting what i get is the tougher challenge.
thanks Nikki and Arfie!!
I woke up today, then I took a mental wrong turn.
I can appreciate that living here (at the monastery) there is nearly no daylight between your personal life and your work.
At least when I am working out there there is a sense of possibility. I’m getting myself together to take
my work here forward so that it will improve with effort.
I’m starting to see how in the outside world I exist in my own standard of grace. Here at the monastery it is wholly under scrutiny. Maybe not the healthiest thing for me but it’s good I am learning.
.....with that last comment about things here, I realized we are all going through life individually putting 'our
grace' forward to be seen by the group. It really helped strengthen me while having compassion and understanding
for myself and others. Today's service went well. As did first meal.
Now I am back in my room.
I think I am going to wait a week and then contact my new boss to see if I can get started working on October 16.
Things are good. I have been in my room with Blue and feeling very relaxed and yet - relaxed isn't all that I want.
I do want income - and I can't wait for it to 'just happen' - - I need to go for it myself -
I see the issue and my role in handling it -
I know we all come to mental health challenges from different directions - I think this time
where I now am, is helping me unwind the knot in my head that has developed over so many years.
I will always be managing - so I don't mean to put this stuff out there without a sense of ownership...
I will fall and rise again and again....splinter and all that jazz... again I see the issue and my role in handling it.
peace.
I'd like to go into town as well and buy somethings - I can't wait for anyone else to do this...,
and yet again, I see the issue and my role in handling it -