Self-Injury

I thought today was better, but I guess I was wrong. I recently hit myself approximately 15 times in the forehead (wait for the irony) with a thick, hard-cover self-help book. I have a huge "goose-egg" lots of tissue swelling and I'm sure the red patches covering my forehead will be purple by morning. I have never hit myself like this before. I usually cut or in the rare instance I will burn myself. All of this because my mother, who does not understand my illness (nor does she make any attempts to understand) told me that my recent "break" was just me "pushing everyone's buttons". I proceeded to scream into the phone "I DON'T MEAN TO PUSH ANYONE'S BUTTONS... DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND I'M LOSING MY FUCKING MIND?!" Then I hung up on her, threw the phone against the wall, bashed my head with the book, threw my face into my bed where I spent the next 5 minutes (or so) screaming into my bed. Within minutes she was at my door to take my 2 year old daughter away. Why do I do this to myself? I'm just so fucked up right now.... and in pain. My partner doesn't get home for at least 2 more hours... I'm wondering if I have a concussion. If the mental health care weren't so horrificlly bad in my area (I live in a very secluded and primitive part of California) I would have already sought help, but admitting myself would be worse torture than what I am going through right now (just think mental "prisons" of the past- unsanitary, nurses who don't care...sedate and ignore seems to be hospital policy).