self destructive behavior

i went through a rough patch and i stopped working out started gaining weight until i weighed about 160 i had gotten down to weighing 140 so i put on a lot of weight.i had a break down instead of cutting i stopped eating normally probably around 1 meal day maybe not eating at all. to get people off my backs i would force myself to sleep all day so they couldnt complain about me eating. i lost weight back down to 151.5. in the past two weeks ive eaten between 0-1.5 meals a day. thinking about it its very unhealthy if i still played sports my coaches would kill me. 
idk i have this number in my head of an ideal weight ive had it there for awhile now. i dont wanna be super muscular i just want to see that number on the scale at least once and from there ill work on it. i want to weigh  125lbs that numbers been in my head since i was in middle school. and since middle school i have always weighed between 140-155. idk hitting 160 scared the crap outta me. idk i need to get back on a healthy track before i fuck myself over. i have a tendency to get into things that are bad for me and self destructive.