self care and indecision

this may seem like a weird combination of words and concepts.

I found myself feeling really strong at work today.

Just a sense of ownership of my life, my problems, while working away.

My mind started to feel like raw meat, and I could still look ahead and knew I had to be gentle

with myself once the day was over. I meditated, thought on god and just

hoped I would make it through the workday and live another day

to be able to keep myself taken care of and just (JUST!?) alive!

I realized I can't always turn to my therapist and family in times of

mental torment - and I know too - to heal from a mangled head from

yesterday's and the workday's experiences (fatigue and stress) - I 

need to be careful and giving to myself. Self care seems like such

an overused word by fancy people advertising body wash or some such

bullshi%! on social media. I feel though I am picking up the mantle of taking

care of my problems - through asserting self caring and healing combinations

of activities. SO, what's this part got to do with the second word "indecision"?

I can get painfully or rather excrutiatingly undecided about what to do.

It's definitely an embarrassment of riches - but I'll think I'll do something -

and then talk myself out of it - I need to push passed this habit or maybe just

be aware of it and find something that motivates me to actually venture forth in 

action.

Anyways, things are good. I need to start keeping herbal tea and bubbly minderal water

in my room. I love those things - and I deserve to have a little store house of things

I like in my room.

I hope you guys treat yourself to the good things you like as well!!

Good night from me.

xx Mark