self care
hi guys, I am starting to see that amongst the sisters here at the monastery
I don't like admitting that I am getting tired - that I need to take
a break. I don't fixate on what the others are doing -
but I am so vigilant about what I do - like I am under a microscope
or spotlight. Today I wondered how the sisters do it? aka- keep
it up and I turned
that lens on myself. My last therapist encouraged good self care accolades
when I would do something nurturing or boundary setting for myself.
Likewise tonight I realized I have to do some self care -
and wondered what the limit of that was - when do I stop? how much is too much?
I am an individual
who has certain things he can do - and others that I can do not so much.
I need to see myself for how I am in the world - breathe - it's al good.
I do respond to doing a job well done - and I guess you could say
that whole thirst kind of trap of being a perfect contributor to the monastics
I got caught up in but I know I am not - I usually try to keep things very humane in my life.
Just tonight I got very drawn out and tired - I felt bad - but I asked for consideration
. the piece of sh*t nun who I initially talked to about resting - mocked me - such a 'see you next tuesday.'
I paid no mind to her. I knew it would be ok. I felt powerless though and I just
started to think about it all as I sat in the pew resting tonight instead of conducting service.
Anyways I will write more later. I guess it's a myth to be able to perfectly know when is too much
work for me...it comes down to one of those moments where I just have to admit to myself
it's time to take a break.
Replies
I hope that you rest well tonight sweetie
Sarcasm is never nice to be on the receiving end of
Deep breaths and a big hug...xo
thanks janet! <3
I'm think that maybe I get caught up with what things mean and that I have to fulfill a pretty picture before i even know what I want.
Tonight I am just going with how I actually feel. When I let loose it's like I am a black panther and I have no
sense of conscience sometimes but right now i struggled with it and I have now a sense of order
a sense of know what things mean and I am able to go with my feelings.
It does sound difficult to live with the nuns. And here I had such a rosy picture in my head, of what nuns were like! Lol
I'm not very good at knowing when to say "enough" to myself. That's why I kept getting burnt out at my jobs.
I hope you can find your balance, Mark -
Thanks GT!!!
too much self-care? is that even possible?
inside my own psychotic brain, how other people feel is an important part of self-care. if that piece of shit brat who pissed the couch last night without a care of how tired i am feels bad, i feel bad, too. one bread, one body, one tree of life. is it weird that i typically feel as bad as the piece of shit brat i verbally abused. making amends for the abuse is part of my self-care. i feel better when she feels better.
i don't get to be omniscient on the inner workings of others, but i solidly believe that the healing of one is the healing of us all.
just believing. . .
Thanks Arfie!! Hug!