Seesaw week
I don't even know where to start. I'm coming off of a weird week.
The beginning was absolutely blissful. 4. Solid. Days. Physical illness symptoms were manageable and at an all-time low. I can't even describe just how glorious that felt. It was like a fog had lifted and I was myself again.
My counseling session was Wednesday and went fairly well. It almost felt a bit forced as there was so much going right; it was hard to find something to talk about really.
By that evening, my symptoms were back. Potentially triggered by something I ate. Rough night, followed by a couple more rough days, capped with a no-show virtual appointment from my new functional medicine doctor.
I am probably putting too much faith in her, considering Ive only had an introductory appointment that cost me way too much. I guess she respresents a hopeful break from the medical disconnect I have been doggy-paddling through in the last 9 months. It was absolutely crushing to have my confidence shattered from her lack of professionalism and candor.
I was already back to having breathing issues, so in my wave of emotion, I let this exasperation with doctors spiral me into anxiety and despair. By the weekend, I was in a bad way and feeling quite alone with my hopelessness.
I also decided to finally cut coffee straight out; cold turkey, for the first time in my life. I had already weened myself down to 8-10 oz a day for my diet plan, but now I wanted to see if that coffee was keeping my symptoms around. I figured it was my last ditch effort on the diet plan. Well, I wasn't prepared for the kind of withdrawal symptoms I felt. Massive headaches, fatigue and overall feeling of malaise. Not good mixed with my other issues.
By Saturday, I then began to have massive pain in the lower half of my body; from my back pelvic region down to my ankles and crossing down my hamstrings, knees and shins. The best I can describe is throbbing pain that travels like sciatica, but feels more dull and throbbing rather than that "nerve-shock-discomfort" you get with sciatica. I woke up miserable numerous times in the middle of the night and struggled with it all day today.
I desperately tried to reconnect spiritually and then mentally gather my focus today, but this has been a rough one. I really tried to focus on my wonderful family and try to put my gameface on the best that I could. It's hard for me, as I get caught up in the guilt regarding not being on top of my game so much. That road leads to spiraling down the rabbithole.
Some days, it all just feels like affliction. Unbridled affliction. A true attack on the soul. Emotion can cloud the promises of God. Emotion can cloud the faith.
I am riding these thoughts into the week and praying to humbly get through these physical symptoms with dignity and focus.
Replies
Gentle exercise such as walking will help reduce the tension in the muscles you can feel at rest.
Eating requires a full surround to work through the changes in a simple, positive way. When you focus on a particular food, you often boomerang the results due to the way the brain and body work to adjust to a specific change.
Make time to relax every day.
Writing it out helps to sort out everything.
Hi Dbl, I pray for you today as well. I totally agree with Mid that writing it out helps to sort out everything; the text gives something for us to paraphrase along with you too :-)
I'm sorry for the pain radiating in your head and backside, down the legs, and such. It can be a bother to put on the "brave-face" with family surrounding. At our center, the family is a shield. Though none will want that you should bear it all alone, Dbl. It can be fun to cheer you up! The best way I've seen healing has started with an understanding and valuing of family relationships during tough times, withholding nothing reasonable; this is the moment where a special sensitivity is required because of your personal anxiety and despair. No family should be ousted during the dark moments where love is a healer in waiting. God approves it! So please share your thoughts with your family. I can imagine your little son writing or drawing and painting a little picture card of sweet support. This can be an excellent time (the downtimes) to teach alternative approaches to cope during stressful times.
Of course, you are a good parent and a faithful believer in Christ. Our Lord understands how to help you. Bless Him and trust in Him to deliver you in God's own way and His own appointed time. God teaches during the rough hours, just pray and listen for the Holy Spirit to guide you. I pray for your increased good health today, dear friend! :-)