seems like

i was lying in bed tonight trying to go to sleep. i felt stretched to my limits but then suddenly saw aspects of my life

to be grateful for and acknowledgement of things that were challenging.

as i layed there and my mind rolled over ideas and thoughts...i realized that when I don't have a job to do...

i tend to fight myself...a tension exists...

i may look beyond my state of mind to perceive something beautiful and I might then go into angst or anguish because of

what is lacking in my life... but I think then i have to get myself going to create the beautiful thing(s) I want...so perhaps that will be my self purposed struggle..

for now, that's good enough :)