Seeing the gender specialist
I have an appointment for the 27th of this month with the gender specialist! She spoke with me over the phone, and feels we can plan on moving my transitioning along faster than I had thought. She thinks we can get a lot done in just a few months - because I have been working things out so well on my own already.
I'm still dancing on the inside... celebrating the joy of being able to be openly myself.
For almost 46 years, I've been trapped, unable to be myself. I've spoken with my mother, and she's very supportive. She's never seen me in a suit - and now, she's asked me to bring my new suit over and dress in it for her to see.
The surgeon is waiting for me to get the SRS papers before we plan when he'll do the double masectomy - but now, he's in on things completely. I feel better, knowing I can be honest and open with him - and still get the process done.
I'm waiting to see how my appointment goes - because I have an appointment with the surgeon the day after it. It'd be great if I could hand him a copy of the SRS papers,..... Get things set up to move on the surgery sooner.
Yes, I'm not patient - I've been waiting since I was 3 for a way to make this happen. Now that I've found it, I want to act on it. I know the risks. It's hard to wait when you can not only see the light at the end of the tunnel, but feel the fresh air wafting in from the far end.
I'm in that stage between looking really masculine and still looking somewhat feminine; and it's frustrating for me and confusing for others. I can't safely move forward with my life until I get past this stage - and look more masculine.
I have a chest binder that works now - and I love the way it makes me look; but hate having to wear it. I live in the South, where it's hot and humid a lot of the time; so wearing a wide band of powerful elastic around your torso gets sweaty and uncomfortable fast. It also means having to wear a shirt over it all the time; which makes it even hotter. I will be glad when I no longer need it.
I got the binder from a website - TranZwear.com - and they also sell STPs, packers, and packer harnesses/belts, as well as custom-made packer-ready underwear. I think they may also sell products for MTFs; but I honestly didn't look at that section of the site. I can say this - thus far, the custom-made stuff fits me perfectly.
I've lost three pounds already this week - just since I decided I no longer need to hide behind all this excess fat I had put on. Amazing how reaching that conclusion has helped me free myself from certain bad eating habits... Still working on that every day. It takes time. But I'm pleased it's happening. Being mindful of not only what I eat, but how large a portion of it I am eating has helped. I don't deny myself foods I crave - I just allow myself smaller amounts of it less often. And, I'm eating ONLY when I feel hungry - not when I'm bored, or alone, or watching TV. I also have added in more raw fruits and veggies... been eating raw carrots like candy INSTEAD OF eating candy. Made a few simple changes - whole grains - whole grain brown rice instead of white rice; whole grain pasta; whole nine-grain bread; whole-wheat buns for burgers; adding raw spinach to my hamburgers instead of lettuce; stuff like that. I am managing to pre-measure things like snack crackers into legitimate serving-sizes and control how much of those I eat, and added in nuts like almonds in place of one dessert a day. I found that Klondike bars(icecream) are great - pre-measured servings - so I eat only one a day - and get some dairy that way. Better than filling a cereal bowl with icecream and eating too much. I eat three meals a day, plus three snacks a day now - smaller portions spread out over the entire day to keep my metabolism working higher and prevent it from storing fat.
Next, I begin adding in more exercise - slowly, carefully - and see where that leads me.
I'm looking forward to my appointments next week.
I'm still dancing on the inside... celebrating the joy of being able to be openly myself.
For almost 46 years, I've been trapped, unable to be myself. I've spoken with my mother, and she's very supportive. She's never seen me in a suit - and now, she's asked me to bring my new suit over and dress in it for her to see.
The surgeon is waiting for me to get the SRS papers before we plan when he'll do the double masectomy - but now, he's in on things completely. I feel better, knowing I can be honest and open with him - and still get the process done.
I'm waiting to see how my appointment goes - because I have an appointment with the surgeon the day after it. It'd be great if I could hand him a copy of the SRS papers,..... Get things set up to move on the surgery sooner.
Yes, I'm not patient - I've been waiting since I was 3 for a way to make this happen. Now that I've found it, I want to act on it. I know the risks. It's hard to wait when you can not only see the light at the end of the tunnel, but feel the fresh air wafting in from the far end.
I'm in that stage between looking really masculine and still looking somewhat feminine; and it's frustrating for me and confusing for others. I can't safely move forward with my life until I get past this stage - and look more masculine.
I have a chest binder that works now - and I love the way it makes me look; but hate having to wear it. I live in the South, where it's hot and humid a lot of the time; so wearing a wide band of powerful elastic around your torso gets sweaty and uncomfortable fast. It also means having to wear a shirt over it all the time; which makes it even hotter. I will be glad when I no longer need it.
I got the binder from a website - TranZwear.com - and they also sell STPs, packers, and packer harnesses/belts, as well as custom-made packer-ready underwear. I think they may also sell products for MTFs; but I honestly didn't look at that section of the site. I can say this - thus far, the custom-made stuff fits me perfectly.
I've lost three pounds already this week - just since I decided I no longer need to hide behind all this excess fat I had put on. Amazing how reaching that conclusion has helped me free myself from certain bad eating habits... Still working on that every day. It takes time. But I'm pleased it's happening. Being mindful of not only what I eat, but how large a portion of it I am eating has helped. I don't deny myself foods I crave - I just allow myself smaller amounts of it less often. And, I'm eating ONLY when I feel hungry - not when I'm bored, or alone, or watching TV. I also have added in more raw fruits and veggies... been eating raw carrots like candy INSTEAD OF eating candy. Made a few simple changes - whole grains - whole grain brown rice instead of white rice; whole grain pasta; whole nine-grain bread; whole-wheat buns for burgers; adding raw spinach to my hamburgers instead of lettuce; stuff like that. I am managing to pre-measure things like snack crackers into legitimate serving-sizes and control how much of those I eat, and added in nuts like almonds in place of one dessert a day. I found that Klondike bars(icecream) are great - pre-measured servings - so I eat only one a day - and get some dairy that way. Better than filling a cereal bowl with icecream and eating too much. I eat three meals a day, plus three snacks a day now - smaller portions spread out over the entire day to keep my metabolism working higher and prevent it from storing fat.
Next, I begin adding in more exercise - slowly, carefully - and see where that leads me.
I'm looking forward to my appointments next week.
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