seeing it coming

I think we all have to deal with our mortality at some point or another.

I have been feeling like my time is coming. I want to reach out to family and friends because it's an isolating thing.

But I am reminded of the way a cat dies. It usually goes off away from it's family and dies out there on its own.

I just am seeing the need to make peace with my life like that.

I had a big (for me) lunch today where I talked to an old colleague and we talked about a lot of things.

I felt so stressed keeping up my side of the conversation but you know what? I feel a peace about it. That's just me. That's

how chit chatty I actually am.. in other words not very. I left the lunch encourage because of what we talked about but

now that I am back in my room I just feel like writing about stuff and relaxing. The stress of the day is maybe skewing the way I am seeing my relationships.  If my time on earth is limited, I am going to just

keep on keepin' on with what I have to do...looking for more work, working and writing about my experience.

I don't know if complaining about it to my family or Dr.s is really useful. I think handling things on my own - in an inventive creative 

way may feel lonely but what I get from others sometimes is that we all have to deal with our feelings - and so just deal with them.

Writing here is how I am.