Second apt

I had my second apt. yesterday and my estrogen and lining look perfect! My donor is right on track as well. She apparently is just starting to see some follicles, so my RE said that we have a ways to go. I'm wondering if the retrieval will be pushed back but it is too soon to tell. He also asked me if we thought about how many embryos were thinking of putting back. I was actually really glad he brought it up because we have really been thinking hard about putting two back. Over the summer when he asked us how many he said he had a speech he was prepared to give if we said two. Meaning, he was going to tell us all of the risks involved and all that. Sooo I wanted to get the conversation over with prior to the transfer so that I wasn't anxious about it on the big day. When I mentioned 2 he shook his head and said yup, I totally agree with you! I was so happy! He said with where we are at with everything if twins happen then we will deal with that. It makes me feel so much better knowing that he is on the same page as us. My clinic is very into doing single embryo transfers. We have only ever done that once before with my eggs, which obviously didn't work. I am so excited that within two weeks I could be PUPO!
Last weekend I found myself struggling with anxiety. I was taking deep breaths and kept getting waves of nervousness in my stomach. I hate the feeling of being out of control. So, I started my circle and bloom meditation tracks at night and picked up my yoga practice more. I went to the gym this past Tuesday and saw that there was a yoga class going on after my workout was over. It's an instructor I usually don't go to because she tends to be slower and more for beginners. I figured after already working out it would probably be nice. She had us lay flat on our mats with our eyes closed and envision all of our "chakras" that go down the body. As I was deep breathing I had a mental chat with myself:  You are not going to die if this transfer doesn't work! You have a loving husband and many other positive things that will sustain your life and happiness. Although it would not be the ideal scenario, you are perfectly capable of getting past infertility and moving on with your life if this doesn't work! So STOP with the anxiety already and just LET GO!! Let life lead you through whatever path you end up taking and LET GO!    I must say I felt like a million bucks after that class! Anytime I feel a sudden wave of nerves I think to myself let go, just let go, and it goes away! Of course, it is slightly easier to do when we are so hopeful and in the middle of our best chance at getting pregnant. But, hey, I'll take whatever positivity I can get right now! I am definitely nervous about being so hopeful and then hearing negative news and being crushed, which is typically our case. However, feeling negative, anxious, and pessimistic fucking sucks! So, I'm trying to take the positive, relaxed route God willing!! 
I want to say thank you SO much for those of you following and commenting on my blog. We have had such an amazing response from our friends and family after sharing our story. We are so happy that we did it and feel such a huge weight off our shoulders. When I read about people hiding their infertility my heart goes out to them even more, because hiding also sucks, and we did it for so long.
Thinking of you all always!! xoxo