searching, getting lost and meditating back to functioning
sometimes I fear going in a certain or any direction in life
because I don't know where it will lead - and fear
freezes me in the moment and on what I can take care of
and then I will sit still - looking for a road map
or ultimately a philosophy to follow - I see others
living and enjoying their lives and I am frozen in my humble way
of being...
it's nearly like staying 'in the now and in the know"
and is something I can handle and feel a sense of peace about...
I am trying to look ahead to the future - and that is bringing
anxiety - and lack of being 'in the now'
I have the Treepeople event soon this morning - and part of me sees this
as drudgery but it's like something i will just do and feel
glad that I did something like that -
I really wish I could take enjoyment from it, hopefully with an attitude adjustment
I will.
maybe I can look to my life mission statement as something to follow
yet I in deciding to do this - my mentality is changing. :( Keep on
keeping that adjustment to things going as a way to manage my outlook
and persistence on staying on project...
I'll keep an eye out for fun aspects of things.
as my doctor said 'we're all compensating' for something in life..
with all the worries I may have I'll try keep my attitude bright - and if
all else fails I'll hold onto the theme
of excellence as a part of my mindset and outcome.
When alone that is something I can relate to...
here goes with the caretaking of the trees! :)
Replies
I just commented on your last journal that your entries were missed.
I hope that the volunteer time will be enjoyable. It’s great you are participating!
I feel you often comparing yourself to others’ happiness? I do that to a certain extent but I think it’s important to hold value for your own story and own your own story, journey,adventures, saga, what have you. Because it’s you and only you living your life, right?
Everyone here knows you’re a great guy, Marky, so don’t underestimate yourself. Moods and depression and self-doubt can tangle up the best of us but try to find peace in today, everyday. Enjoy your tree time. And maybe coffee later? Happy Saturday.
thanks Nikki! I'll take your advice and do something fun! :) Happy Saturday!
I'll join the nag choir on the comparing thing. One of my favorite ironies born of comparing other people's outsides to your own inside is just how many people have used that very comparison to declare me an undamaged guru born of a perfect life. Just ohm it all, my friend. It ain't my job to educate you on stuff that isn't any of your business to start with.
Keep meditating, my growing man. How many of your familiar strangers are thinking **you** are an undamaged guru born of a perfect life?
wow that's a thought! people think my life is like as you suggest?? that bowls me over!
Sending good vibes and big hugs. Thanks arfie! it's amazing how we people only see one side!
Yea, I remain pretty blown away at how many people assume I am something completely different than what I actually am. Even when I was a child prostitute, not one single soul --aside from the Janes and Johns-- has ever spotted me for what I really am.
If other people so routinely mistake me by such a wide margin, a dose or two of humility helps me believe I could be just as wrong as they are. At best, how is comparing an apple skin to the meat and seeds of the apple a fair comparison?
Thanks Arfie!