Scrolling Facebook...Again...Sigh
Soooo....scrolling Facebook again. Why do I torment myself?
I was/am a good mother. I know this sounds judgemental, but damn, after all I have been through I am going to judge. I see other women my age whose children were raised by their own parents because they were too busy partying...or have 4 kids from 4 different marriages, or 4 different boyfriends, or 4 different one night stands for all I know. Yet there they are, planning birthday parties for their mothers, posing for pictures with them...writing how much they love them. DAMNIT DAMNIT DAMNIT...
My parents divorced when I was 3 and I was determined to give my baby stability I didn't have...and I DID!!!
These feelings probably won't last, but right now I am angry, bitter, jealous...and just so damn flabbergasted about why my life has turned out like this!!!
I would never have wanted Cassi to have to bury me, grieve for me, but it sure would have been easier for me that way.
I'm sorry...I am just mad, mad, mad!!!
I was/am a good mother. I know this sounds judgemental, but damn, after all I have been through I am going to judge. I see other women my age whose children were raised by their own parents because they were too busy partying...or have 4 kids from 4 different marriages, or 4 different boyfriends, or 4 different one night stands for all I know. Yet there they are, planning birthday parties for their mothers, posing for pictures with them...writing how much they love them. DAMNIT DAMNIT DAMNIT...
My parents divorced when I was 3 and I was determined to give my baby stability I didn't have...and I DID!!!
These feelings probably won't last, but right now I am angry, bitter, jealous...and just so damn flabbergasted about why my life has turned out like this!!!
I would never have wanted Cassi to have to bury me, grieve for me, but it sure would have been easier for me that way.
I'm sorry...I am just mad, mad, mad!!!
Replies
Totally right! and at the time, the first year, I almost went up to a table of women eating lunch with their babies by their side, and told them: \"You feed them, bathe them, love them, and then they die!\" Fortunately, I had some self control. Yee G-ds, when I think of my thoughts all that year, totally mad. And that\'s so normal, dear new soth. Totallty as it should be, for now. Love, abby
OK, well, don\'t bother with the \"I\'m sorry\" remark. You have written what most of us here have thought and felt at one time or another.
BE pissed off! BE angry! BE hurt! You have every right to be! And we are here to listen, acknowledge truthfully and understand!
It is not fair.
Tightest of hugs and understanding...
Merrilee
When my own sister begins complaining about her sons I want to just jump through the phone and strangle her! What I wouldn\'t give to hear my son\'s voice and when I watched her dance with her son at his wedding it\'s about all I could do to stand there and watch. I was just devastated...
With you and understanding that to lose a child is the worst loss a mother could ever have to learn how to carry and to hold.
Loving care,
XO Joanie
I call it... jealousy..... I am so jealous of all those moms,,, it breaks my heart and makes me mad and then cry..... so understand.....
(((hugs)))
Yes I understand.
I understand. I often feel the same way.
We tried to give our boys stability, too. And I still don\'t know why things turned out like this for Charlie, either.
I struggle with jealousy everyday.....makes me so mad!!!! Understand. Sending much love, Gina. Vicki
There are still people out there who think I should be over this THING they are totally living in a world that does not exist. I am almost 7 years into this THING, people still piss me off. Let them live the stupid life, we will overcome together...
Tight Hugs Penny