scribbles

I think what a lot of this writing has to do is for a way for me to battle the emptiness in my life.

I seem to perfect ideas, look for a wisdom and it feels like being productive. I mean, it may have been

something I needed to go through. At this point though, I find, that I am opening up my compassion

and learning to be around people and all the many moments of understanding that happen during the day.

My brother has been staying with me, and I have found that it's just teaching me how to connect with people

and not expect a perfect synergy between the two of us. Also, when I go to work, I am finding I am more and more

ready to be around the conflict and the athletic nature of all of us bouncing against each other (to put it in a kind of metaphorical way.)

I think when I have thought about finding a mate, I think I have thought that I would only accept or really react to 

a perfect picture - without really realizing it. Not good. I mean it has kept me alone for so long - because I couldn't put two and two together.
My loneliness was not strong enough and my illness sort of blinded me - and kept me spinning aesthetics, wisdoms etc...

It felt like I as doing something - accomplishing something - but it wasn't really anything but avoiding my feelings in the face of having to venture forth in life on my own. I feel pretty good about this. I hope you guys are having a good day!!

Peace!!

Mark