School abuse memory

I'm a student now at Clark college when I went to sing up I was feeling very sick I was withdrawing from my Effxor witch I take for my complex ptsd yes I've been diagnosed not sure how I feel about it but it is what it is anyway I made it to register I was happy that a friend was with me otherwise I would have wigged out but she was there in involved in a program and she is my favorite she's a good person all the ladies really are but she understands me better then the others so I was super thankful for her presents when I singed up I found out that I had taken classes before witch really bugs me I see a picture in my head remember voices but it's just out of reach I hate this feeling it almost makes me feel crazy but I'm trying not to dig to hard sometimes it's better that way the thing is it's the weekend and it's the worst time for me it's time to sacrifice is what my mom calls it or punishment time but I have testing on Monday and I'm afraid of how hard these men will be on me if I can stop my self from braking and feeling so used and disgusting I always brake and I can't now I have to be able to pick up the hollow brokenness and go on with out it affecting my ability to get up no matter the hurt or the nastiness and just devastatdeness and go to school looking and actting like the the rest of the people God please make it stop and help me through it this weekend I want this I need school please help me through