Scared of the world
This world is so disgusting and horrible. So many bad people that are only out to hurt you. Yes there are good people and maybe there's more good people than bad. But I just want to vent about the bad ones right now.
I remember when I was younger I didn't know about anything bad I loved going out I loved shopping with my mom, sister, and grandma. My biggest worries were if the cute boy at school liked me or if my mom would let me go hang out with my friends or not. Now my biggest worry is getting kidnapped and sold and being brutally abused/killed.
Why do these things even exist why would anyone want to do that? I am pretty good at putting myself in others shoes and trying to understand why they would think/do certain things. But when it comes to the unspeakable I am too scared to think about it i have to push it away because my mind instantly tries to pull it apart and understand. I don't want to understand that.
How do people just live their life knowing this stuff is happening right now? I feel like I shouldn't just keep going while there are so many people suffering going through awful things because of the bad people. If I was in the same situation I would want someone to think about me and try to help me. Not ignore it and act like I never went missing.
Kids are being sold, black people are being killed for no good reason, trans people being killed why does the world have to be like this? I know none of these things are new its all been happening for many many years far before i was even born. It just hurts. I want to have a normal life but I never want to go out there again. I don't want to exist in a world where I have to fear for my life.
So many people post things saying they almost got kidnapped had people following them trying to take their kids. Sometimes I wonder why everyone doesn't just shut themselves away after reading those things (I know people have jobs and stuff so obviously not everyone could do that)
I worry about my family all the time I don't want bad things to happen to them. This place sucks. Especially where I live. Apparently my state is one of the hotspots for human trafficking. Not sure of the validity of that but my mom told me about it a while back. And it makes sense as it is incredibly secluded here lots of places to hide.
I just want to be safe and happy and never have to worry about these things. But that is not possible in this world.
Replies
My fear of entrapment will not let me use your solution of shutting yourself into a building. My most *successful* attempts at total isolation came from falling off grid and disappearing into the wilderness, greenbelts, etc. As a recovering child sex trafficking survivor, I know the dangers of which you speak intimately, but after my wilderness psychotic breaks, I hold the dangers of isolation as the meaner poison. The real time cultural illnesses are easier to recognize and manage than the demonic puppet shows in my head.
Eternal euphoria, free of all danger and stress isn't an option in this world. Courage is an ever available option. Courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is action in the face of fear.
Stay brave, Frog. Easy does it.
I am very thankful to have family around to keep me from going over the edge. I think if I was all alone in this house for the past 2 years, I would probably not be alive anymore. So total isolation is a no go for me but partial, that's where it's at (for me at least, everyone deals with isolation differently)
I am really sorry that you had to go through that arfie. It is one of my biggest fears. But I'm glad you're a survivor and that you're still here. You have a lot of wisdom about overcoming things and thank you for sharing it with others.
I wish I could live off grid. But even then I would not feel 100% safe. So you are right there is no way to feel completely happy and safe all the time. If I did feel that way I'm not sure I'd even like it all that much. Maybe someday I will find courage but I don't think I will ever feel safe away from my home. There's just no way to tell who is good and who is bad.
Thank you for the nice comment though, arfie I hope you have a good day today.
from what I just researched---the US is a high destination area for human trafficking--not a place of origin (being kidnapped) hopefully you don't live in Russia.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_trafficking#/media/File:Trafficking_of_women,_children_and_men.png
I do not live in Russia I am in the US. Some states have higher rates of it than others though. Just the other day they found 25 missing children and I think like 6 of them were related to trafficking. It was close to where I live.
Obviously it's amazing that they were found and that they'll get to go home but the fact that they even went missing because of that is scary. Also I believe a teacher from the school I used to go to got arrested for being a part of trafficking. I'm sure stuff like this happens all around the US but when it happens so close to home it's terrifying.
I just wish it wouldn't happen at all it makes me so scared and sad to think about what is happening I wish I could do something.