Scared and ALone
My "what"is it? STBX? Does that stand for soon to be ex? Anyway, he has ruined everything with this stupid midlife crisis divorce.
Our landlords have been nothing but kind to us ever since we moved in. We were supposed to buy the house at the end of next year or a little later.
Now, with this, I am not sure I can stay in the house another year. I had wanted to stay here for my son's sake. He is going to be a senior.
But STBX keeps saying he won't pay me anything. So our landlord is naturally upset. He calls me and tells me how ticked off he is. And I understand. They can't afford two mortgages. And he wants to know this minute, if I am going to stay or go. Then he calmed down and gave me a week to decide.
I am going to look at another house today.
I get a text from STBX saying to stay in the house for Jack's senior year, and that I can start looking for places to move to in February and March of next year.
But is he going to come through and pay me? Because contradictory to his beliefs that I make "plenty of money to do this", in fact, I don't. I have gone over the numbers until I'm wrecked. But I can't afford to maintain a three bedroom home in this area and all that it entails. He is clueless. It is no wonder he couldn't run a checkbook with a Master's in Accounting.
He looks at bills and says you're fine. But he doesn't add in groceries, medicine, house maintenance, yard maintenance, having more than a dollar in my pocket at the end of the the pay period. There's so much more to bills that I'm not saying. Haircuts for Jack, lunch money. I could go on and on.
But he's is clueless. He is going off into the sunset with his fairy tale lover. (He told me he felt like he had won the heart of the prom queen).
And here I am. So my terror and fear get to feed into next year too if I stay. The cost of moving? I don't have it. Of course I don't have it now. But the rent in this place I'm looking at is so cheap. (It will probably be as grim and scary as the last one. But it is three bedrooms. And it's in my price range. So I have to look, don't I?
I mean, I feel sorry for the landlord who's been nothing but kind. And I love to believe my STBX will pay me enough to make this work. But then everything else stays in limbo. And I get to worry the whole freaking year about where to move.
Nothing about this is good for me. I just can't believe this is God's plan.
Our landlords have been nothing but kind to us ever since we moved in. We were supposed to buy the house at the end of next year or a little later.
Now, with this, I am not sure I can stay in the house another year. I had wanted to stay here for my son's sake. He is going to be a senior.
But STBX keeps saying he won't pay me anything. So our landlord is naturally upset. He calls me and tells me how ticked off he is. And I understand. They can't afford two mortgages. And he wants to know this minute, if I am going to stay or go. Then he calmed down and gave me a week to decide.
I am going to look at another house today.
I get a text from STBX saying to stay in the house for Jack's senior year, and that I can start looking for places to move to in February and March of next year.
But is he going to come through and pay me? Because contradictory to his beliefs that I make "plenty of money to do this", in fact, I don't. I have gone over the numbers until I'm wrecked. But I can't afford to maintain a three bedroom home in this area and all that it entails. He is clueless. It is no wonder he couldn't run a checkbook with a Master's in Accounting.
He looks at bills and says you're fine. But he doesn't add in groceries, medicine, house maintenance, yard maintenance, having more than a dollar in my pocket at the end of the the pay period. There's so much more to bills that I'm not saying. Haircuts for Jack, lunch money. I could go on and on.
But he's is clueless. He is going off into the sunset with his fairy tale lover. (He told me he felt like he had won the heart of the prom queen).
And here I am. So my terror and fear get to feed into next year too if I stay. The cost of moving? I don't have it. Of course I don't have it now. But the rent in this place I'm looking at is so cheap. (It will probably be as grim and scary as the last one. But it is three bedrooms. And it's in my price range. So I have to look, don't I?
I mean, I feel sorry for the landlord who's been nothing but kind. And I love to believe my STBX will pay me enough to make this work. But then everything else stays in limbo. And I get to worry the whole freaking year about where to move.
Nothing about this is good for me. I just can't believe this is God's plan.
Replies
He is a stbx, I usually think that they are a sh#tbox. He is barking up the wrong tree is he thinks that he can get away with it. I know it is hard. Go to a lawyer and get some sort of spousal support. You need to step back and start looking after yourself. Do not put any credence in what he has to say. If their lips are moving they are lying. Hang on and be gentle with yourself.
Sorry to hear this, But not to take away from your pain. I was hit by a car that ran a red light friday. Totalled my truck , rolled it 4 times but still alive and kicking. I will not give my stbx any satisfaction. Stay strong, things happen for a reason and smile often.
I don\'t know how far along you are in this divorce process, but if you don\'t have one already, GET AN ATTORNEY and have them file IMMEDIATELY for interim financial support. You are entitled to it PLUS some additional financial support for your son (that\'s Child Support). Sitting around wringing your hands and allowing the stbx to intimidate you is self-destructive. You gotta be PRO-ACTIVE!
Him being an asshole is never God\'s plan. I am so sorry your going thru this. Can you pray at all and se what God may lead you with? I know it\'s hard I will pray for you. I wish I could say something to make the fear and pain go away. I can say this I am here for you anytime. And try to pray cause when were panicked its hard to think your best. I will pray for you Big huge hugs....Ok
I had researched this earlier but had to go out. You live in an equitable distribution state. You need immediate financial support. You can go into court asking for temp support and then ask for the divorce later after you both come to a settlement agreement. Get on the phone tomorrow and start interviewing attys. Is you stbx self employed? You need copies of tax returns for the last two or three years. It\'s better to be proactive as CowgirlKathi said than to be reactive at what the stbx throws at you.
Ditto to what everyone else said...get thee to an attorney
As far as what the STBX says. Don\'t bank on it. Unless there is a court order, he does not have to pay anything. If he walked out...he has no say in whether you live in that house or not. He\'s not the decider...YOU are. Do what\'s best for you and your son.
Get busy...you might find that anger you\'ve been looking for (((HUGS))))
please don\'t ignore the great advice you\'ve gotten here...FOR FREE. Many people pay good money for it
Thanks everyone.. I have an appointment with an attorney tomorrow.
Look up divorce law for your state before you go. I did and the courts are overloaded with cases that take months to get on their docket. Its totally not like divorce in my state. You need to have some idea of how your state grants divorces.
Counting on your STBX is very iffy. You never know when he\'ll pull the plug. Saying that, there is nothing wrong with going with this plan for awhile, while everything is getting sorted out. I have to rely on my 1st ex right now (he offered to help financially after my current ex left me, since we still have 2 adult kids living with me) I don\'t particularly like the situation, but it has bought me some time, I\'m shocked that he offered and at the time I was a big fat mess. My worry is, when is he going to say enough is enough? That fear is always in the back of my head but for now, I\'m plugging along and getting by with his and my kids help. Definitely a temporary situation and my goal for this year is to sell my home and find my own little place, I can\'t afford much and that does worry me a bit but I can\'t afford to keep my home so I don\'t have any other option, so sad.
It sounds like your stbx is trying to control this situation so best let attorneys handle it from here on out. I would never do a divorce w/out one if you had kids and property together, I\'m glad you got an atty, hope it goes well. Also, if you don\'t like the atty, shop around, most give free consults and will only charge if you end up retaining them.
Good luck, it\'s a rough road but you can do it.
I must echo the advice of the others. These cheaters like to think that they call the shots, but the LAW has another idea. He can\'t just walk off and leave you hanging. Tell your attorney to file for temporary orders ASAP!! This will get you the support you need while the divorce is pending. Time to get tough and show your piece-of-shit stbx who is boss!!
He won the heart of the prom queen huh? God I hate cheaters, they\'re all the same, don\'t care whose lives get ruined, it\'s all about them and their own happiness. My ex wife did the same thing, I\'m in the same boat with our daughter and now I have all the bills. Over time I am truly learning to hate her, at least thouroughly disgusted with her and have as limited contact as possible at this point. Keep us updated on your attorney\'s actions, don\'t let mr prom queen conquerer get away with this crap.
Have you filed for Divorce yet? The clerks can help you fill out the form, and you can file for immediate interim support at the same time. If he won\'t pay, they will garnish his wages (assuming he is employed). You need to do this for your son at the very least - stbx has a responsibility to provide for his own son\'s care. Don\'t let him just abandon him without support.