Scared and afraid

So many thoughts and feelings today, so unexpected.  I am so scared because I have not been able to cry, not been able to feel or miss Bob. I've been doing some practical things, moving the bedrooms back afer the hospital bed was moved out, writing thank you notes, reading mail, and of course sleeping.  I just haven't been able to feel.  Even when I received the death certificates in the mail, I couldn't cry. Why?  Why am I not able to shed a tear, to feel the loss of my husband, to show how much I miss him?  I don't get it.  It feels so wrong not to be shedding tears. 
Church tomorrow.  Will be glad to worship my Lord.  Sleep now.  Am glad to sleep.