Scared and afraid
So many thoughts and feelings today, so unexpected. I am so scared because I have not been able to cry, not been able to feel or miss Bob. I've been doing some practical things, moving the bedrooms back afer the hospital bed was moved out, writing thank you notes, reading mail, and of course sleeping. I just haven't been able to feel. Even when I received the death certificates in the mail, I couldn't cry. Why? Why am I not able to shed a tear, to feel the loss of my husband, to show how much I miss him? I don't get it. It feels so wrong not to be shedding tears.
Church tomorrow. Will be glad to worship my Lord. Sleep now. Am glad to sleep.
Church tomorrow. Will be glad to worship my Lord. Sleep now. Am glad to sleep.
Replies
I remember when I was younger my bird died. I had to rush to work and was unable to address it at the time but it was on my mind all day. My boss wanted to console me but I just backed away, afraid to cry least I lose all control. The tears I shed when I found my husband and they were unable to revive him were different tears than I shed later, when the impact of it all really hit me. We all process grief differently. You are holding in and holding on keeping yourself together. Some quiet moment or thought will creep up on you and release your tears. It will happen soon enough. So sorry you have to go through this, so sorry for your loss.
God bless you.
Linda
I am very sorry you have to go through allthis. At the very beginning after my husband passed on, all I felt was relief that he no longer had to suffer. I started crying some days later, when the reality of not seeing him again began to sink in. We all go through grief in different ways, give yourself all the time you need. Sending you many hugs, Sil
Dear Karen, What you describe above is also what happened to me. I think that it is a shock/denial kind of thing that naturally happens...our mind is protecting us because if we could come to terms right away with who we just lost, we\'d be unable to bear the pain....so, the reality of our loss comes in smaller doses as we can handle it. You are feeling many emotions Karen, just not able to cry yet. It will come when you are strong enough to let go. There is no right or wrong on how people grieve.. please don\'t worry about this, just be... and accept that that is what is right for you. You are a very brave woman and I am very proud of you. Please take care, Love, Linda
I have not yet been in your shoes. All I can tell you is that I care about you a And will be here if you need me.
May our Lord and Saviour give you strength and courage in the coming days.
Hugs, Wanda
The best way to describe it is your numb. Watching my mom and family we went through the same stage! The tears may come later as they did and still do for my mother. Or it is god\'s strength helping us through a very difficult time!? Don\'t get upset or feel it\'s wrong that you are not crying it\'s different in every person! My thoughts and prayers are with you to make it through. Keep your head up! ~Jamie
Karen, everyone grieves differently. I think you also probably did a lot of grieving \"in advance\" during the times when Bob was struggling. I know I grieve for Dave quite a lot, and he\'s not even gone yet! There is no right or wrong way to grieve. You are doing great, and God is giving you strength. You\'re in my prayers!
Love,
Nancy